Thinking Dude

A post on Christmas

2011-12-17T14:08:00.000-08:00

I found this poem (This God, Gerard Kelly) pretty touching. To me it captures, clarifies and cuts through the essence of the Christmas spirit. It describes the God who invites us into His story by stepping into ours.

This God,
Who watches worlds,
Sees my heart.
This careful calculator,
Counting countless millions,
Counts me in.

This artist,
Whose canvas outstretches
Eternity at both ends;
Whose palette out-colours planets,
Paints my portrait.

This love,
Who dreams in universes,
Dreams of me.

This creator,
Whose breadth of vision spans time
And spawns a cosmos;
Whose woven tapestry of purpose,
More compound than chaos,
Eclipsing complexity,
Rolls out like a highway through history;
Whose heartbeat deafens supernovas:
This perfect parent
Kisses me.

This playwright,
Playing with the deaths and entrances of stars;
Scripting the end from the beginning;
Knowing the purpose of the play,
Watches my feeble audition,
And writes me in.

This is hope. This is true. This is Christmas. This is for us all.

The definition of 'Awesome' is...

2011-12-14T14:22:00.000-08:00

There are some words I use a fair bit. Then there are some I use A LOT.

'Awesome' is one of those words for me. I always have various varients of it, just in case 'Awesome' isn't quite enough... Awesomenitude, Awesomenificant, Awesomenitudinal...

A friend asked me to define 'Awesome', and here's where I got to....

A is for Awesome
W is for Wow
E is for Extraordinary
S is for So amazing!
O is for Ooooo
M is for Magnificent
and E is for Electrifying

Like my definition? Comment if you have a more amusing one...

3 hashtags to live by

2011-12-04T09:58:00.001-08:00

There are currently over 175 million Twitter accounts (source). I tweet. A lot. It's a great way to send out quick thoughts and to keep in touch with friends, celebs, interests and world events. My account's damien_hine. Follow me!

If you know Twitter then you'll know hashtags, one of its very simple inventions that has started spilling over into other social networks. A hashtag is basically a short, often humorous, statement about a tweet that injects some more emotion, thought, or humour, and connects different tweets to each other.

In my hashtagging I've gradually formed three hashtags that I use regularly, and that I believe describe a simple way to live greatly.

In the centre of our lives we can find a connected stillness - connection from the divine spark within each of us to the great divine God. We lean into this stillness, live it, love it, and become who we were born to be through it #betobecome

We live from centredness. In our fragmented, busy, sometimes straight-forward, sometimes tough world, our centredness flows into vibrant, passionate, courageous, full-on living. We live in community, in healing, with purpose and with a clear sense of identity #livetothrive

We join each other to love our world. We embrace the outsider, involve the excluded, practice forgiveness and reconciliation, challenge the proud, stamp out injustice and invite others to join in. Our centredness in a god of love leads us to make a world of love #worldlove

#betobecome #livetothrive #worldlove

A simple way to live greatly, but not easy. Be, do, love. Get to it!
...but leave a comment first.

When somebody loved me...

2011-11-29T07:03:00.001-08:00

This part of Toy Story 2 always gets me. Whether it's about losing friends, break ups or the inner child, it always gets me. They're kids films, but they sure don't shy away from the pain of life.

What happened when Christmas met Batman

2011-11-23T03:54:00.001-08:00

In honour of all the recent updates about The Dark KnightRises (essentially that it takes place 8 years later [!], BruceWayne will be facing his demons and some Bane details, source) and Christmasbeing just so near, I thought I’d see what happens when Batman and Christmasmeet.

So here’s what came out the other side. Try singing this tothe tune of Santa Claus is coming to town when you watch Elf thisyear:

You better watch out,

You better go hide.

Better not doubt,

I’m telling you why:

Ba-atman will bri-ing you down.

He protects the town,

He’s stopping the clown,

Gonna sort out the naughty and nice

Ba-atman will bri-ing them down.

He sees you when you’re sleeping

He knows when you’re awake

He knows if you are good or bad

So be good for Batman’s sake!

O! You better watch out,

You better go hide.

Better not doubt,

I’m telling you why:

Ba-atman will bri-ing you down!

He’s the hero Christmas deserves, but not the one itneeds right now.

What I'm up to...

2011-11-21T14:33:00.001-08:00

Well it's been a little while. I had a sudden flurry of posts, and then dropped out of orbit. What happened? I hear you say.

Well a couple things.

I started writing book. It's just a little piece... love, tragedy, spirituality, good vs. evil on a cosmic scale, friendship and kinship, epic journeys and perilous adventures, all within the context of a small few deeply real characters. My editor friends have really been enjoying it. I'm putting a fair bit of time into making it as great as I can possibly make it. Only the exceptional is acceptable.

I'm also on a 3 week placement in Manchester with the Nexus Arts Café and Sanctus1, both which are epic projects in their own right, but which make one pretty sweet deal when bundled together.

The two things together are really drawing good stuff out of me, the book particularly. I'm learning a lot about creativity - how to foster it, lean into it and make space for it to grow. Creativity, creativity, creativity, yeah! Life is good, friends are close, I am happy and I'm going good places. Woohoo!

Thoughts on depression

2011-11-06T07:05:00.000-08:00

Depression is something that has come onto my radar recently.

I seem to keep coming across people who have it and want/need help dealing with it. There are also many people who find themselves in relationship/community with someone who has depression and need help dealing with the fallout of that.

I find it surprising just how much of stigma is attached to depression, here some interesting facts to bring perspective:

- 20% of adults show symptoms of depression, the hotspot being people in their twenties (1 in 3 twentysomethings will face depression).
- Woody Allen, Baudelaire, Agatha Christie, Winston Churchill, Kurt Cobain, Charles Dickens, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, TS Eliot, Michael Foucault, Stephen Fry, Vincent van Gogh, Ernest Hemingway, John Keats, Soren Kierkegaard, Abraham Lincoln, Michelangelo, Isaac Newton, Friedrich Nietzche and Edgar Allen Poe are some of the more famous people who have suffered from depression. One can see, then, that depression is both very common and not the end of the world for sufferers (source for list).

- It has been called the 'common cold' of mental illness. Depression is not just 'feeling down' but is a very common illness that can be/needs to be treated professionally (whether through medication, counselling, dealing with the underlying causes, or a combination of all of these).

But what is it and how do we know if we, or someone we know, has it?

Psychological symptoms of depression commonly include continuous low mood/sadness (if for upwards of 2 weeks this is a strong indicator), feelings of hopelessness/helplessness, low self-esteem, tearfulness, feelings of guilt, feelings of irritability/intolerance of others, lack of motivation and loss of interest in things, difficulty making decisions, lack of enjoyment, thoughts of suicide/self harm, feeling anxious or worried and reduced sex drive.

Physical symptoms can include slowed movement or speech, change of appetite/weight, constipation, unexplained aches/pains, lack of energy or interest in sex, menstrual cycle changes and sleep disturbance (whether significantly more or less).

Social symptoms can include not doing well at work, becoming less sociable, reduced hobbies and interests and difficulties in home and family life. (source for symptoms)

If you, or someone you know, is facing several or all of these symptoms then it is very possible that depression is involved, even if that seems unlikely to the sufferer. In any case, a check up with a doctor/psychologist never hurt.

Depression is very common and, in bad cases, life-debilitating. A sufferer cannot simply 'snap out of it', as much as they would perhaps like to. It is an internal illness that can be extremely difficult to understand, and thereby irritating, to those who have not experienced it. It is, nevertheless, something to be taken seriously (but not feared); good help is available, if we have the courage to seek it and persevere with it.

To those of us who face depression, my prayer/hope would be that we have the courage to face depression as depression, seek what help we can get and find helpful ways of coping or resolving our depression.

Further reading
Creating Optimism by Bob Murray and Alicia Fortinberry
How You Can Survive When They're Depressed by Anne Sheffield
NHS' depression information page

There was a girl called Tu...

2011-11-05T04:02:00.000-07:00

Me and my little sister just came up with the silliest thing. If you can say this with no mistakes and without laughing then it's 10 points to Gryffindor...

There was a girl called Tu, who loved to count to two.
To count to two was what Tu loved to do.
Tu had a brother called Du. Du loved goo.
To count to two and look at goo was what Tu and Du loved to do.

Their mum was Bu. Bu loved the zoo.

To count to two, look at goo and go to the zoo was what Tu, Du and Bu loved to do.

Dad was Nu. Nu loved to queue.

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo and queue was what Tu, Du, Bu and Nu loved to do.

Cousin Ru loved kung fu.

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo, queue and do kung fu was what Tu, Du, Bu, Nu and Ru loved to do.

Their cow, Shu, loved to moo.

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo, queue, do kung fu and moo was what Tu, Du, Bu, Nu, Ru and Shu loved to do.

Grandma Wu loved to look at you.

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo, queue, do kung fu, moo and look at you was what Tu, Du, Bu, Nu, Ru, Shu and Wu loved to do.

Grandpa Yu loved sudoku.

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo, queue, do kung fu, moo, look at you and play sudoku was what Tu, Du, Bu, Nu, Ru, Shu, Wu and Yu loved to do.

Their uncle Achu loved to play with glue.

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo, queue, do kung fu, moo, look at you, play sudoku and play with glue was what Tu, Du, Bu, Nu, Ru, Shu, Wu, Yu and Achu loved to do.

Their auntie Kwu had more tastes - she loved a hiaku, to play Wii U and lasso.

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo, queue, do kung fu, moo, look at you, play sudoku, play with glue, hiaku, play Wii U and lasso was what Tu, Du, Bu, Nu, Ru, Shu, Wu, Yu, Achu and Kwu loved to do.

Guess what their surname was... it was Youhu!

To count to two, look at goo, go to the zoo, queue, do kung fu, moo, look at you, play sudoku, play with glue, hiaku, play Wii U and lasso was what Tu Youhu, Du Youhu, Bu Youhu, Nu Youhu, Ru Youhu, Shu Youhu, Wu Youhu, Yu Youhu, Achu Youhu and Kwu Youhu loved to do.

Tread Softly // W.B. Yeats

2011-10-28T20:50:00.000-07:00

HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams
W.B. Yeats

Yeats is a great poet, his piece Tread Softly is one of his best.

It has a certain mythic quality, allowing us to almost put whatever we wish into the environment or context.

It speaks of how one could say they have 'the heavens' embroidered cloths' - great riches - but often in reality, or simply conceptually, have 'only my dreams' - our hopes, joys, ideals, visions for the future - and so we 'spread my dreams under your feet' - we offer our dreams to others, to individuals and to our world - and ask that they 'tread softly because you tread on my dreams'.

Its imagery and rhythm brings together the cosmic - 'heavens... golden and silver light... night' - and the personal - 'clothes... feet... tread softly' - forming an atmosphere so elemental that one feels we can almost touch it, smell it or breath it.

As I said, it clarifies, cuts through and captures and a certain mythic, transcendent quality. It speaks of the human condition, it speaks of dreams and of intimacy, and trust toward others on the soul-ful level, it speaks of how life can tread hard but how we must keep our hearts soft.

Yeats, I imagine, meant more than I have incised. There will be other interpretations, this is mine. I like Treading Softly, it draws something deep out and places something deep in.

But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet, tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

The healing cycle

2011-10-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

This is interesting to look at from a Christian standpoint. Each aspect is one where God is involved, facilitating and enabling healing and happiness:

- Our self-love comes from getting our identity and joy in Jesus
- Our life purpose is to worship, live out our calling, be on mission, be a disciple and enhance the culture and world we live in (lifting up the good, rejecting the bad, redeeming all we can)
- Helping others and ourselves both come from the command 'love your neighbour as yourself'
- Our healing and happiness come from these things, but more directly from our walk with God.

This Christian, then, gets their self worth and life purpose from God - the difference being the transcendent, unshakeable nature and scope these things take on.

We live for Jesus' glory, some by-products will be self worth, finding our life purpose, lives that help others, lives that help ourselves and lives where healing and happiness can flourish.

Yay Jesus!

How to: express anger/pain w/o causing any

2011-10-26T09:47:00.000-07:00

Introduction

Life’s tricky, you don’t need a master’s degree to work thatout.

Sometimes life bites us, and we feel anger and pain. With this stuff, our baggage, we can hold onto it as long aswe want. Suppressing will mean holding on longer, expressing and releasingbrings quicker healing.

Imagine you have been caused anger and pain by a person or groupof people (intentionally or non-intentionally). You want to deal with yourreaction, but you don’t want to cause pain and anger in return.

How can oneexpress anger and pain without causing anger and pain?

NB. The recipe below is slightly tailored to the above situation, but the steps can be applied to various different situations.

You will need

1. One pen

2. Paper

3. A writing surface (preferably an Ikea desk, but anything sturdy shouldwork)

4. One outdoor secluded spot

5. One cigarette lighter

You will need 25 minutes approx.

Step by step walkthough

1. Assemble all the necessary ingredients.

2. Take your pen, paper and desk.

3. Begin writing a letter to the person(s) that caused offense. Write downeverything this person has done, and everything you feel. Be graphic andexpressive. Rant, rave. Put it all down. Let it all out. Tell them everythingyou’d wish to say to their face but that you wouldn’t because of the pain it wouldcause. Get everything down. Take as long as you need doing this. Let the letterlengthen to the extent of your emotion. If you cannot think of words write down‘RARGH!’, expletives or find some further way of pushing your rage out of the endof then writing instrument.

4. Once this has been done take a deep breath and pause.

5. If you find anything else to write do so. If not, sign the letter and foldit up.

6. If you are not already in your outdoor secluded spot go there.

7. Take your letter and your cigarette lighter. Burn the letter.Effectiveness of release can be increased through tearing the letter intomultiple pieces to burn separately, slow burning, playing the Linkin Parktrack Iridescent, and imagining the anger in your letter being burnt upas the letter burns.

8. Take a deep breath and let any spare emotion go.

9. Pray, as genuinely as possible, for the wellbeing of your assailant.

10. Rinse and repeat if/when necessary.

We hope this has been helpful. You might also enjoy Special Offers on Punch Bags, Screaming Without Going Hoarse, Local Walking Routes, How To: Tae Kwon Do, Top 100 Feel-Good Songs, Keep Your Friends Close, Youtube: Justin Bieber getting shot, Basics in Contemplative Spirituality and Don't Keep it in Forever.

Jack Bauer's redemption

2011-10-21T09:28:00.000-07:00

A tragic hero
I'm a big fan of 24. Season 7 is a particularly poignant day for the protagonist, Jack Bauer. But first, a proper introduction.

In season 4 Jack has gotten free from a world of death, chaos and constant demands. He has a woman he loves, is on good terms with his daughter and is happy. He is pulled back into his world, and by the end of the day he has to fake his death, leaving his love and his daughter distraught behind him.

Season 5 draws Jack back in when won 2 his long-term friends is brutally assassinated. Another seems to die. That day his daughter finds out he fakes his death and, confused by hurtling emotion, swears him off. At the end of the day he is kidnapped by the Chinese, to be tortured for 18 months.

Season 6 sees Jack returned to the States. Day 6 is perhaps Jack's most harrowing day. He is forced to kill one his closest allies, his father and brother die, he loses the woman he loves. A personal hero to Jack pronounces over him the words 'You're cursed Jack, everything you touch, one way or another, ends up dead.'

The last episode sees Jack distraught, broken and lost. The episode finishes with a silent clock and Jack saying 'I want my life back, and I want it now.'

Jack is a strong man, but a man with humanity. His life, despite his best efforts, is ripped from him again and again and our hero is left again and again broken, lost and distraught. He wants his life back, and he wants it now.

Jack's day of redemption
Day 7 is what 24 fans gladly call the day of salvation. Jack is reunited with his daughter, he is given back his respect and position, he finds a new ally who will stand by him to the end. Jack finds a way to make peace with his life, with the things he has done, and the things he has gone through.

Lying on his death bed for a seemingly incurable disease he looks up at an Islamic priest, seeking to find peace in his final moments,
Jack: 'I've made so many mistakes and I'd always thought that I'd have the time to correct them.'
The priest, 'You have the time, right now.'
Jack: 'You don't know what I've done.'
The priest: 'We live in complex times, Mr Bauer. Nothing is black and white. But I do know this, I see before me a man with all his flaws and all his goodness, simply a man.' [he takes Jack's hand in prayer] 'Let us both forgive ourselves for all the wrongs that we have done.'

He finds his peace, and gets his redemption. He gets his life back.

To those of us who would say with Jack, 'I want my life back, and I want it now', may we have our day 7, may we find redemption, may we get our life back.

Wales weekend

2011-10-21T02:34:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm listening to Like A Dog Chasing Cars from Hans Zimmer. His Batman tracks (see also Molossus) are so pumping and gutsy that they can take a lot of emotion. Hell yes Hans Zimmer, blast your Batman tunes at me.

This weekend I'm off to see two great friends - the recently married Lotays - gonna get some deep R&R and carry on fixing up. And also have an incredible time at it. They're awesome people and it'll be such a pleasure. Then Sunday night staying at my friend Sarah's before heading back on Monday. Yay for time, space and hugs. And damn is Wales a nice place. Bring me that horizon! Distraction wins.

Deep friendship

2011-10-19T04:30:00.000-07:00

I found this an interesting article on cultivating deep friendships.

Why is it that we so desire someone — someone — to know everything there is about our story and then say, “It’s OK. I’m still lucky to have you as a friend.”...

There // by suffering

2011-10-18T08:14:00.000-07:00

I think if I ever write a book I’ll call it There. Somuch of life, or my life at least, seems to be consumed with finding, searching for orget there.

I think suffering is a pivotal thing in this. If we embrace its lessons, and lean into growth, it can be a vital thing on our journey. Let meexplain.

Thriving in the desert

In the Bible there are several occasions where God leadspeople to travel in the desert.

The Israelites, freshly free from slavery, spend 40 yearstravelling in the desert (Joshua 5:6) before they reach their promised land.Jesus is baptised and then immediately is ‘led by the Spirit into thewilderness’ (Luke 4:1) – there is tested, and when he leaves he can speak outabout what he stands for and who he is (Luke 4:18-19). Paul, newly rescued byGod, spends 3 years in the desert (Galatians 1:16-18) and comes back ready topioneer the early church, change the world and write half the New Testament.

God takes them out into the wastelands to teach, develop and give them something they would not and could not have had otherwise.These are all pictures of searching, transition, growing – becoming.

Linkin Park and chess

At the moment I’m listening to Linkin Parka lot. People critique them as angry or emotional. To me they capturesomething. Life sucks sometimes and Linkin Park are great at expressingthe frustration while instilling hope and vision. Linkin Park capture afrustration filled with hope that resonates as authentic and real.

The spiritual writer John Eldredge compares life between Godand mankind as a chess game. We want to win at life without God – to findmeaning, purpose and deep life without him. We move our pieces – we look toadvance in our career, we look to develop deep relationship, we save for adream car – God moves His. We try one thing and God outmanoeuvres. We try somethingelse and God’s strategy beats ours.

This seems cruel, God seems against us. In fact somethingelse is taking place. The ploys we play, none of them will work. God knows thatand God wants to give us the life where we will truly flourish and thrive inwardly.He blocks our play until we surrender.

And in surrender we win – we give ourselves to Godand we get God. Our emptiness is filled with the only thing that can completeit.

There by suffering

Over the last few years I have searched for something. Ihave looked in so many places – career, achievement, relationships, hobbies,fitness, etc. – and now I have run out of places to look outside of God. I havefinally run out of alternative options.

I have been here before. I know the desert. It is a time ofsearching, transition, growing and becoming.

I have a frustration filled with hope. I can finally turn toGod, knowing nowhere else will do. I am being spoken to deeply about identity– about who I am, about what I am about, about where I am going. I am becominga new man, I am becoming more than I’ve ever been. I am being to become. I amliving to thrive.

God breaks us open to plant life.

Here's where I'm up to so far on identity. Let it sink deeper.

Maturity pic :)

2011-10-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

I thought this was cool. Fun but challenging too. Where am I today? Where do I want to be tomorrow? Create the tomorrow you want today. Click on it to make it bigger (the key is in the captions).

The Lion King... in 3d and a super-awesome weekend

2011-10-14T07:52:00.000-07:00

I've decided to go see The Lion King this afternoon. Such a great film. I remember first seeing it when I was 5 year old kid, now I get to see it as a 22 year old man. The 3d effects will probably not be that great, but getting a cinema experience nostalgia-trip will be great. Of course having tango dance class straight after, a comedy show tomorrow, and church and lunch with friends this weekend will be fun too :)

Damn, I am hungry for new SSX. That game can't come soon enough!

Singleness

2011-10-13T06:45:00.000-07:00

I'm speaking about single living tonight. It seems to me unfortunate that singleness doesn't always get the same rep that a relationship does.

There's a big difference between 'alone' and 'single'. Alone has negative connotations, single admits the positive. So what sets singleness out as having its own unique awesomeness? (other than joining the Jack Bauer, James Bond, Eminem, Batman and Ethan Hunt club...)

Singleness doesn't have to mean loneliness, it doesn't mean you can't be complete, it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, it doesn't have to be a waiting period for life to start.

Let's remember what singleness can bring: more freedom and independence, more control over your time and money, not having to put up with other's annoying habits, a more stable emotional state, and, not least, the ability to become and develop who you are.

If we accept and embrace it for all the goodness it can bring singleness can be a real gift (1 Cor 7:7). To do that it can be helpful to actively embrace the situation, develop a good support system, fill the time, deal with the issues that can arise in singleness (whilst remembering singleness isn't necessarily the issue and a relationship is unlikely the answer) and cultivating a gratitude attitude for the present.

So some advice for making the most of single living?

Don't wait. Don't put your life on hold waiting for a relationship to happen (one of the best ways to find someone is to be a happy, confident single person... isn't that the kind of person you'd want?). You should never measure your self-worth by your relationship status anyway.

Get out more. Get out into social situations. It's not good to be alone (Gen 2:18), don't be. Know what types of people are bad for you and avoid them.

Create an attractive, compelling life now. Look to be happy while single. It is not a trap, it's an opportunity. Start hobbies, learn skills, enjoy sport, cook, bulk up, keep healthy, take care of yourself. Learn to be happy with yourself. You, and only you, are responsible for your well-being and happiness. Let being single strengthen you.

Think positive. See singleness not as a condition to be cured but as an opportunity to be explored and lived out to the full. Avoid feeling or thinking negative about it. It only has to be as much a problem as you let it be. Develop a positive attitude about it. Learn to feel complete in and of yourself.

Live! Find your vision and purpose and live it out while single. Let your life impact others for the good, let your life be a blessing to everyone around you. Instead of doing something about your singleness do something with your singleness (Jer 32:39).

This article is also helpful on the subject.

Corfu sunset

2011-10-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

Corfu was a beautiful place, wonderful culture, great food, great time connecting with my dad, lots of silliness with my younger brother and sister, a good time to start connecting with my step-mum.

One afternoon we stopped by the coast to see the sun set. I thought I would immortalize it here.

As one thing ends something new begins. As one chapter closes another commences. As the day fades into night we prepare for dawn. I look on the past with gratitude. and I don't know what the future holds, or what exactly it looks like, but I look ahead in confidently expecting a breaking dawn, a new day, a new life.

Memorial

2011-10-11T10:38:00.000-07:00

The last few days has been hard, I said I was depressed, but I think a lot of it is that I miss her. She meant so much to me and it's hard to lose someone so precious. In time we hope to become friends again. For the moment we need space. So we've blocked each other on facebook, I had a friend change the password on my twitter account and deactivate it, I've deleted every past email and her email address, I've deleted every text and her number, and I've deleted my profile and blocked a forum we were temporarily both a part of. I cannot contact her now, I just need to wait for her.

This way we can mourn what we lost, let go emotionally and move on, and start friendship with a clean slate. I look forward to that time.

A friend took me to the Warwickshire Crematorium, a large park with many different memorial sites, a beautiful still place. We walked together, sometimes in silence, other times laughing and chatting. I used the moment to be grateful for good memories, and to say goodbye to what we had. In a comments book I wrote,

'Goodbye [ex-girlfriend's name]. Thank you for all you meant to me. May you live a full, happy, free life. Love you forever xxx'

I may not always be in love with her, but she has a special place in my heart. Hopefully we can form an intimate friendship in time.

So yes, I'm grateful for what the two of us had. I'm sad that it had to end, but it did for the right reason. And I look forward to walking together in a different way some way down the road. I care for her deeply and hope she gets the life she deserves.

Nightwing

2011-10-11T08:16:00.001-07:00

Nightwing just got confirmed for Batman Arkham City. Man this game is gonna be so tight!

Who am I? I am.

2011-10-11T04:00:00.000-07:00

For a while I've been trying to get a clearer sense of identity.That hit particularly hard recently - I found a degree of neediness and clinginess in myself that made me uncomfortable. I had started to find a sense of identity in what someone had been to me. Now that was lost and a gap was left. I fought to let go, but couldn't quite do it. Something I found a lot of identity was lost and I found myself asking'who am I?'

I really wasn't feeling too impressed with myself and, rather than ignore it, I turned to face my darkness - to expose it, confront it, and destroy it.

I brought that all to God and asked 'Change me!' but I got an interruption as a still small voice said 'Accept yourself!'

That's a hard thing for me to do - I was raised with high standards of myself and I feel like, unless I somehow reach perfection, I won't be able to accept myself or give myself fully. My self-rejection, not some character flaw I have to try hard to overcome, is where it comes from. I find it tough to accept myself, so I look to others for that. And when they let me down (which everyone inevitably does eventually) my dark side emerges.

I find it so hard to set God's standard for myself - grace.

I'm journaling a fair bit at the moment and Iwrote the following prayer,

Ineed to know that there is something good in me... That someone can see me for who I really am, including my worstfailings and greatest efforts, and love me and stand by me. God, how do You seeme? What do You think of me? Help me see myself as You do.

The response I got is still sinking in,

WhenI see you I see goodness, I see Myself. I see potential, I see glory. You areMy son and no one has the final verdict on who you are but Me. You are who youare because of Me, and who you are is good and gentle and compassionate andcaring and good. Get your sense of identity from Me. I will carry you, I willhold you, I will sustain you, and with Me you will not fall. Believe it.

I'm on a journey right now - to discover who Ireally am, and what I was made for. I'm not there yet, but I'm headed in theright direction. Before I look to anyone else I will look to God, and God willbe my filtering system for anything anyone says to me or about me. And God sees goodness, God sees potential, God sees glory.

God,help me take those words in deep, help me see who I am as defined by You beforeanyone else. Do everything You want to do in me, and nothing less. Amen.

NB. In many ways I am grateful to be single again - I can work on things that I couldn't work on in a relationship, life is so much simpler and I can live my life free of the judgment of another. In time I shall perhaps find another person, but I won't go out of my way to look, and I won't wait till then to be a happy, confident, whole, Jesus-centred person. Singleness is a great gift and I fully intend to love it for all it's worth.

If // Rudyard Kipling

2011-10-08T06:56:00.000-07:00

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

When I became a Christian // Adrian Plass

2011-10-07T14:45:00.000-07:00

A lot of people take life with God as a said and done deal - we get baptised, or confirmed, or go to church, or prayed for, or blessed, or have a spiritual experience and figure we're there. Adrian Plass wrote this to depict something more honest and authentic, to depict the negotiating, wrestling, accepting, choosing and surrendering we each engage in in our own way. Like the man in this story I'm tempted to say 'Amen' with a '...' after it. Rather than 'Amen, Amen, Amen,' ...Today where am I? Where are you?

When I became a Christian I said, Lord, now fill me in,
Tell me what I’ll suffer in this world of shame and sin.
He said, your body may be killed, and left to rot and stink,
Do you still want to follow me?
I said Amen - I think.
I think Amen, Amen I think, I think I say Amen,
I’m not completely sure, can you just run through that again?
You say my body may be killed and left to rot and stink,
Well, yes, that sounds terrific, Lord, I say Amen - I think.
But, Lord, there must be other ways to follow you, I said,
I really would prefer to end up dying in my bed.
Well, yes, he said, you could put up with the sneers and scorn and spit,
Do you still want to follow me?
I said Amen - a bit.
A bit Amen, Amen a bit, a bit I say Amen,
I’m not entirely sure, can we just run through that again?
You say I could put up with sneers and also scorn and spit,
Well, yes, I’ve made my mind up, and I say, Amen - a bit.
Well I sat back and thought a while, then tried a different ploy,
Now, Lord, I said, the Good book says that Christians live in joy.
That’s true he said, you need the joy to bear the pain and sorrow,
So do you want to follow me,
I said, Amen - tomorrow.
Tomorrow, Lord, I’ll say it then, that’s when I’ll say Amen,
I need to get it clear, can I just run through that again?
You say that I will need to joy, to bear the pain and sorrow,
Well, yes, I think I’ve got it straight, I’ll say Amen - tomorrow.
He said, Look, I’m not asking you to spend an hour with me
A quick salvation sandwich and a cup of sanctity,
The cost is you, not half of you, but every single bit,
Now tell me, will you follow me?
I said Amen - I quit.
I’m very sorry Lord I said, I’d like to follow you,
But I don’t think religion is a manly thing to do.
He said forget religion then, and think about my Son,
And tell me if you’re man enough to do what he has done.
Are you man enough to see the need, and man enough to go,
Man enough to care for those whom no one wants to know,
Man enough to say the thing that people hate to hear,
To battle through Gethsemane in loneliness and fear.
And listen! Are you man enough to stand it at the end,
The moment of betrayal by the kisses of a friend,
Are you man enough to hold your tongue, and man enough to cry?
When nails break your body-are you man enough to die?
Man enough to take the pain, and wear it like a crown,
Man enough to love the world and turn it upside down,
Are you man enough to follow me, I ask you once again?
I said, Oh Lord, I’m frightened, but I also said Amen.
Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen; Amen, Amen, Amen,
I said, Oh Lord, I’m frightened, but I also said, Amen.

Games I'm looking forward to

2011-10-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

Batman Arkham City, released

A new Batman game soon (for PC, PS3, Xbox 360 & WiiU), woohoo! The game will be a sequel to the wildly popular Arkham Asylum which perfectly captured the spirit of the dark knight and what it is like to 'turn fear against those who prey on the fearful'. This one sees villains as Two Face, The Joker, The Riddler, Mr. Freeze, The Penguin, Deadshot, Hugo Strange, to name a few. New playable characters will include Robin and Catwoman. It's looking like it's gonna be great, give it a look in.

SSX, 14th February 2012

SSX3 took my world by storm as a snowboarding game of super uber awesomeness. SSX seems like it will be the true sequel we have waited 8 years for. Using NASA data to bring real-world maps into the experience and incorporating new characters, new gear-related gameplay mechanics, survival experiences into their new Race It - Trick It - Survive It experience. If it shapes up its possibilities it may well be the best game of next year.

Mass Effect 3, 9th March 2012

Finally, the ending of the Mass Effect trilogy. Fusing RPG and 3rd person shooting, Bioware and EA are bringing us the climactic conclusion. New gameplay on CQC, weapon adaptation, team-play, etc. come second to seeing how John Shepherd's long tale of human race-saving and reaper-blasting. How will it end? Who will survive? What will be the result of the conclusions we made in the last games? How much can we make our character look like Jack Bauer or Barrack Obama?

Definitely time to rain in my PS3, game on!

A breakable, penetrable, redeemable heart

2011-10-07T02:43:00.000-07:00

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” - CS Lewis

So what will it be, heart? I will live a life of love for others, myself, the world we live in and God. I will stay will not close out, shut myself away or close myself down. I don't understand the present, and I don't know the future. But that's fine - the future is God's business, ours is walking with him, and if that includes loving someone else then maybe I could theoretically conceive of that feasibly becoming a vaguely plausible option, given enough time. A lot of time - not because I'm bitter, but because they'd be someone else.

Missing you

2011-10-05T20:07:00.000-07:00

I have let you go, but with you I go too. Hope itself, when it means a life without you, is not hope at all.

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
~W.S. Merwin

Oft in the tranquil hour of night,
When stars illume the sky,
I gaze upon each orb of light,
And wish that thou wert by.
~George Linley

The reason it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.
~Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

To die and part is a less evil; but to part and live, there, there is the torment.
~George Lansdowne

I wish this was easier. I wish things had turned out different. I cling to the hope that God knows us better than we know ourselves, and will do something better than our best thing. Till then, I long. I have let you go, but with you I go too.

Jesus I need you today. My heart is so busted. My heart is so broke.

Help me be alive, heal and accept, help me believe and move on.

Be my hope, my identity, my joy, my peace and my healing in this moment and in the times to come.

Amen.

Letting go

2011-10-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a roller-coaster week. I think I am last in a place where I can see why this needed to happen, agree with it from my heart and let go. It's damn hard, but right, and letting go brings peace, and time will bring healing.

It was good, it ended good, the future is bright.
Three true statements. One healing heart.

Relationships are good, but not for me right now. I will spend my days in singleness, walking with God, becoming the man I was born to be and on mission with Jesus, until God says otherwise.

To my ex-girlfriend, I let you go.
May you be happy, live free, and worship with a whole heart.

EDIT: That sense of conviction is all gone. This seems to make no sense. I keep thinking about it, praying about it, trying to get a clear sense of lasting conviction that she has a point. I'm getting nothing.

Surgery

2011-10-04T03:03:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine put out a status the other day that read something like this, 'I hate how God works sometimes.' So do I.

When life is easy it's easy to live life with Jesus. What about the times when hope seems far and tears are near? When you break your knuckles from punching the walls so hard? When something green and good explodes in on you in destructive agony, where is God?

Surgery and scalpels
A man's appendix is about to explode. He is in great pain, he can't do anything about it by himself. He goes to see a doctor. The doctor informs him he must have an immediate operation to have his appendix removed, if it explodes whilst still inside it will do him great damage.

The time of the operation comes and the man is stretched out on the surgery table. Before he is put unconscious he looks up at the doctor's tools, seeing a sharp scalpel he is gripped by fear - he is going to be cut open!

He turns to the doctor, expresses his fear and asks, 'is another way they can do this?'

The doctor looks at him and says 'my man you have a choice. You can lie there and wait for your appendix to explode or let me do this good thing for you.'

Afterwards the man will have a scar, but internally he will be more healthy and more whole, in a much better position to where he started.

Beauty from ashes
In such times I often find myself reminded of a phrase in the Bible:
'And we know that in all things God is working for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes.' Romans 8:28

What does it mean?

'...in all things...' When it says 'all things' that's what it means. No thing, no situation, no event, nothing falls out of this action. In every single thing. '...God is working for the good...' In every single situation God is there. In every single situation God is there doing something. In every single situation God is there doing something that is good. It might not always be what we expect, or make sense straight away, or be easy, or be what we thought we wanted, but in every single situation God is there doing something that is good.

It's held true for me in difficult situations before - I now have a stronger sense of myself, more empathy for others, a stronger relationship with God - and it hasn't changed.

He is the surgeon, we are the man, and the appendix can by anything in our lives. Either bad things, or good things that aren't quite as good as God can make them. Our job is to stay on the surgery table.

Staying on the table
There are a few things that help stay on the surgery table,

Express There are negative emotions, there are no invalid emotions, everything we feel is important, and what matters is expressing, rather than suppressing feelings of rubbishness. If you need to punch a wall do so (keep your knuckles intact if possible, they break way too easily), if you have to cry five times in one day do so. Get it out. And in the midst of heavy feelings ask God to help you express and help you find comfort. In time the feelings numb and a sense of being able to hope and love and trust returns.

Take friends on the journey My close friends have helped me gain perspective, find comfort, relieve the load and keep plodding on in so many hard times. If you don't have people that would help you in these times get some.

Keep calm and carry on 'Just keep swimming, just keep swimming'. A maths teacher at school once told me 'Damien, sometimes in life you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. You just have to keep plodding.' Plod.

Change

2011-10-03T05:43:00.000-07:00

Well it seems I'm moving into a new season in my life. The relationship I wrote about didn't work out. I don't entirely get why, but, without going into detail, it seems she needed other things and felt led in a different direction. The reasons were amicable, I hope she finds what she is looking for and that we can stay friends.

But space to deal with the fallout will help first. Friends and Jesus have been very helpful in starting to deal with it. In time I will heal, and learn to trust and love again. A friend sent me a song that seems to work for such times as these,

The relationship was great while it lasted, I am grateful for what it was.

I intend to move on, not wallow in thinking about it, and not think about relationships until I am in a place where my collective baggage (not just from this) has been unloaded and dealt with.

One other thing, for those who'll try to help, I don't need to constantly relive it, it doesn't need minimizing, and I don't band aids or quick fixes. What will help will be hugs, consistent friendship and a good pair of listening ears when I choose to open up.

I wish I knew what to do with my questions. If anyone has any clues for how you can ask a question of someone who wants nothing to do with you, please say.

The Last Samurai thoughts

2011-09-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

I could say what I'm about to say from The Shawshank Redemption, but I think The Last Samurai is a more fun film and, as great as Shawshank is, The Last Samurai resonates with me more. Now unfortunately few people have seen the film, so here's a trailer before we get started.

Basically Tom Cruise (who needs no introduction) acting surprisingly well, Ken Watanabe (Memoirs of a Geisha, Letters from Iwo Jima, Inception) emerging onto the world stage, Hans Zimmer (The Lion King, Gladiator, The Dark Knight, Inception) creating some awesome chords, and Edward Zwick (Legends of the Fall, The Siege, Blood Diamond) directing with flair.

The film hit me like a juggernaut in my late teens. Great action, yes, but more its story (spoilers-alert, will go into this later) and philosophical, almost spiritual undertones. It's still a favourite, one I wish people knew more of.

In this post I plan to explain two of the main characters that make the film, and what I take them to represent on the philosophical/spiritual landscape.

Nathan Algren (Tom Cruise)

The film opens with him living out of a bottle, continually trying to drink away his guilt and regret. Algren, as the characters in the film call him, is a battle-scarred soldier. Scarred not through physically having been hurt but scarred by what he has done. The early parts of the film show flashbacks of him having killed innocent Red Indian women and children for the U.S. army.

Nathan is offered a job in Japan. He will be paid a huge amount in order to train the modernizing nation's troops to fight their samurai enemies who oppose modernization. He packs his rum and scarred soul and sails to Japan to start work.

To make things worse for Algren his troops are sent into battle far too soon. They are not ready and are massacred by the samurai. Algren, the sole survivor is captured by the samurai and taken to their village where he must spend the winter before being sent back to his camp. Katsumoto, the samurai leader, tells Algren he has been kept alive as a subject of study - 'to know my enemy'.

Algren, while he is being studied, finds himself studying the samurai village for himself. At first confounded by strange customs - and causing offense with his own strange customs - Algren opposes the samurai's ways, in return receiving a vicious beating. He finds himself living with a samurai family and learns Japanese (apparently 'mibi' is the word for nose). As he watches the village people he notices a certain way of peace about them and notes that 'from the moment they wake they pursue the perfection whatever they pursue'.

In conversations with Katsumoto he forms a friendship and opens up about his scarred-ness -

Katsumoto: You have nightmares?
Algren: Every soldier has nightmares.
Katsumoto: Only one who is afraid of what he has done.

(Excerpt from one of their conversations)

Algren begins to learn about honour from Katsumoto and forgives himself and his past. He begins to find himself. In a narrative moment Algren says 'I have never been a church going man, and what I have seen on the fields of battle have led me to question God's purpose... But there is indeed something spiritual here.'

When the camp is attacked Algren is surprised to find himself fighting for the samurai, rescuing Katsumoto and saving the camp. Algren finds the samurai way greater than his old life, he has found a new identity, a place to belong and something to fight for. Confronted with a world where it seems samurai are no longer necessary Algren responds 'necessary... what could be more necessary?'

He is later called 'the warrior in whom the old ways have joined the new'.

At this point I shall more fully introduce the other major character,

Lord Katsumoto Moritsugu (Ken Watanabe)
The film opens with Katsumoto in meditation. He has a vision of a tiger fighting in battle.

Katsumoto is the samurai leader, a caring man who passionately cares for his nation, for his people and the way of the samurai.

His love for the way of the samurai, and what it offers, however brings him conflict, which we see occasional glimpses of. In a nation which seems to have moved on what place does a samurai have? How can he be loyal to both his ideals and his emperor? How realistic is he in the hope of restoring the samurai to their place?

When Katsumoto first comes encounters Algren he is fighting with a flag with the symbol of a tiger on it. This reminds Katsumoto of his earlier vision and Katsumoto spares his life, wondering what this destined meeting will bring.

In the time of Algren's captivity Katsumoto learns from Algren, at first looking for information about his enemy, which gradually breaks into an unlikely friendship. Katsumoto is as surprised as Algren is when the village is attacked and Algren fights to protect Katsumoto.

The winter ends soon enough, opening up safer paths to travel, and Katsumoto and a troop of samurai escort Algren back to his camp. Katsumoto then goes to meet with the emperor. Katsumoto hopes that his friendship with the emperor will make way for more leniency to the samurai but is instead captured and awaits execution.

Algren leads a rescue, including a noble sacrifice by Katsumoto's son, Nobutada. And Katsumoto, Algren, and the other samurai find themselves back in the samurai village. News comes that the largest force they have faced is coming. The samurai turn to face odds much larger than themselves. They fight hard and seem to win, until new technology from the west, the machine gun, slaughters their final charge.

Katsumoto and Algren find themselves alive on the field, but clearly defeated. Katsumoto, recognizing defeat, commits seppuku (a samurai ritual where, upon losing battle, one kills themselves, thereby keeping with their honour).

The final act
The soldiers disobey their general and cease fire, leaving Algren alive, ironically now scarred in body but whole in soul.

Algren takes Katsumoto's sword before the young emperor. The young emperor realizes that many samurai died at his soldiers' hands, including Katsumoto. He sees that his people are losing way and their culture, and decides 'we cannot forget who we are, or where we come from' and turns to Algren and, referring to the late-Katsumoto, says 'tell me how he died', Algren responds 'I will tell you how he lived.'

An interesting question is raised: who exactly was 'the last samurai', was it Algren or was it Katsumoto?

The film ends with fading pictures and a final narrative, from one of Algren's friends,

'As for the American, no one knows what became of him. Some say that he died of his wounds, others that he returned to his own country, but I like to think that he may have at last found some small measure of peace that we all seek and few of us ever find.'

Thoughts on The Last Samurai
1. Whether it be Harry Potter, Tron: Legacy or Avatar the story of a person being welcomed into a world larger than themselves, where they find new identity, belonging and purpose - the hero journey as it's called - is one that is churned out year on year in our books, films and on our TVs. It seems to resonate with us, perhaps with good reason. Nathan Algren was still Nathan Algren by the end of the story, but at the same time he was a new man. As a Christian I believe that part of the reason we resonate with these stories is because their themes resonate with our deep yearnings, longings and desires.

Nathan Algren was 'made new', so to speak, and as a Christian I believe that part of what God is doing in the world is 'making all things new' (Revelation 21:5) - the way our world works, our cultures, our pasts, our futures, you and I. It's an open invitation you and I can choose to accept or decline.

2. Katsumoto started out the story already having what Algren was looking for. His role was slightly different - in some ways he is Algren's initiator. Although he is a flawed, sometimes doubting, sometimes strong, samurai, Katsumoto plays a part in Algren's redemption. He doesn't do this in a forced way - on the contrary he is almost surprised when he sees Algren's change - but he nevertheless does. By the way the two men relate something of Katsumoto's way and life transfuses into Algren, and both men are the better for it.

For those of who have been 'made new' the question is how we will influence the people around us, the world around us and even ourselves. Katsumoto used his influence for good and, though he didn't see it, his dream won out.

3. It's interesting to wonder - who really was the last samurai? Was it Katsumoto, or was it Algren? In a sense it was Katsumoto - the last of the old samurai. In another sense it was Algren, because he became a samurai, and he was the one who survived and would carry on their ways. So who was it really? I love dual meanings...

Crutches, friends and change

2011-09-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

Some people criticize Christianity as a crutch. Now I personally don't have any problem with people who use crutches - they're helpful to people with broken bodies, and, to extend the metaphor, they're helpful to broken people. I'm a broken person, I don't recall ever meeting a 'non-broken' person. And, as far as crutches go, God, or the concept of god, is very able to support our weight, and bring transformation and change too.

Here's a story of one such friend of mine, copied from a friend's blog:

God and I have not been the best of friends for the last few years, I always knew he was there but I was angry after seeing someone close to me suffer. How can God just stand by and let this happen to an amazing beautiful person?

Before I 'fell out with God' singing songs to him used to be amazing and impacted and help grow my faith. While I struggled with my questions and doubts, I couldn't bring myself to sing songs to God because I wasn't believing what I was singing. This crushed me because worship songs helped me draw near to God and I felt like I couldn't any more. This went on for about a year and a bit, struggling with the questions I had and being angry at God.

The beginning of this year I wanted to repair my relationship with God. I shouted at him for a bit I kept asking Him my question, but he never answered. It's not till I realised that I would never have the answer to my big question of 'Why does God allow suffering?' and handed over this question to God that I my heart (which had been hardened to God) began to soften and I fell in love with God again.

Church felt like a chore and bed was a better option but now I can't wait for church, to learn more about God. Today in church I sang the worship songs with no problem at all, my God is beautiful and I draw close to him in worship again. I'm off to sing to my awesome God.

I personally know pain's sting well enough - the pressures, problems and tensions of life - so it's good to remind ourselves that hope is closer than we think.

Of course, when life's down, there's few better places to turn than Batman (ok maybe friends, close relationships, prayer and the Bible, personal space, time in nature, tea or coffee, or so many things can also be good, but let's just go with it for a sec...). There's a great moment at the end of Batman Begins - Bruce Wayne, AKA Batman, has been betrayed by a close friend, seemingly lost his battle for Gotham, and been left for dead. Here's what happens:

So, why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.
And God hasn't given up on us yet.

Stiff upper lips

2011-09-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

AC/DC
AC/DC is an epic band. So many great songs have come from their mouths and guitars - T.N.T., Highway to Hell, Back in Black... the list goes on. One of the best for rock in my book. This picture reminds us of their Stiff Upper Lip tour.

One of things most reputable particularly about Brits, but not only Brits, and perhaps what AC/DC were trying to bring up to talk about, is having a 'stiff upper lip'.

We like to think we are mostly unaffectable, untouchable and aloof. If suffering comes we suck it up and say "it's character building". If insecurities arise we suppress them. If a tear comes we quickly wipe it away. We like to think we're rebellious, but stand out to much and we soon jump back in line. On the surface we become invincible.

We present a self that's 'the me I pretend to be', 'the me I should be', or 'the me they want me to be', etc. We put on a mask, and sometimes we wear it for so long we forget what our true face is like underneath it.

This post is a loud shout out for something else - authenticity and reality, healing and wholeness, being ourselves and taking the masks off!

Examine insecurity
When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you like it?

I don't think I've ever met someone who hasn't struggled with insecurity, doubts, low confidence or low self worth at some point in their lives. It seems to be part of the human condition.

Often our response is to not talk about it, to be ashamed of it, to pretend nothing's up.

And all the while we stew. Before long you notice that suppressing insecurities isn't the same as eliminating insecurities. It can be a form of cowardice, rather than courageous confrontation.

When life is clouded by pain, doubt, disbelief, it's worth dealing with and confronting. Where is it coming from? Why? Where is there healing that needs to take place? Who can help (friends, family, books, professionals, spirituality, etc.)? How can I go from this place, today, to where I want to be tomorrow, and how can I get started now?

The point isn't what we've been through, but how we've processed that. The chirpiest, most vibrantly alive, zesty, sexy people are often those who have had it bad, but stepped out the other side and dealt with their baggage. Who would you like to be?

The me God made
When we involve the concept God in this a certain fear can arise. We can see an army officer yelling orders about what we should do and how we should spend our time, squashing out any possibility of fun or freedom. If that's what God's like then I'd share in the sentiment of not wanting to believe in a god.

The Christian view suggests an alternative.

It suggests that each of us - men, women, young, old, black, white, gay, straight, left, right, tall, short, fat, thin - is made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27), that is, reflecting the nature of God and made with a deep worth, value, dignity and purpose.

So at heart, in our truest nature, we are good.

Now life may twist us, mess us up, give us junk and baggage, hurts, habits and hang-ups. But we remain, irreversibly, irrevocably, loved and valued children of a good God. This God loves us exactly as we are but also loves us way too much to leave us that way. This God embraces us and takes the broken pieces of our hearts and souls and puts them back together again.

That's what Jesus Christ believed about people. That's something true about you and I.

Burn the masks
A mask is a symbol often used in our culture - whether by a superhero or a super-villain, a phantom, a fiend or a friend. They can provoke both mystery and menace and are normally used to hide an identity.

In life many, as I have mentioned, we often pretend to be people we aren't, rather than be people we are. Our creativity, personality and spark of inner life is strangled behind an identity we spend our lives constructing and purveying.

If we wrap our minds and hearts about the fact that insecurity isn't the final word, and that we are loved by big, expansive, good God, we can have the freedom to truly be ourselves. We can be free. We can take off and burn our masks. And we can give the world a gift it truly deserves and needs - ourselves.

To Write Love On Her Arms

2011-09-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

A story influential to many is To Write Love On Her Arms.

In a day where up to 20% of people show symptoms of depression (ten times more than in 1945), where 1 in 9 young adults have had some form of sexual abuse, and where suicide rates are on the rise (with untreated depression as no.1 cause), this is a story of how a few made a difference to one.

Hope is real,
Change is possible,
And each of us can help create the tomorrow we want today.

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

These people went onto form the organization To Write Love On Her Arms, which, aside from making decent t-shirts, is 'a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to 'invest directly into treatment and recovery.' - TWLOHA mission statement
They are on facebook, twitter and myspace, and can be donated to here.

10 tips for a good relationship

2011-09-15T03:03:00.000-07:00

This might come off as a killer blow, but good relating to people takes work. If it just happens perfectly all the time then that's great, but for the rest of us it's sometimes easy and sometimes harder. It takes commitment, determination, openness, trust and love.

This site had some helpful thoughts...

1. Every morning make a conscious commitment to eliminate blame, criticism, and invalidation from your side of the relationship. If it leaks out, acknowledge it, and apologize to your partner.

2. Pay attention to and express appreciation for positive things your partner says or does--no matter how small!

3. Ask your partner to write down what makes him/her feel loved and special. Do the same for yourself. Exchange lists. Then, every day, no matter how you feel about him or her, do one loving/caring behavior for your partner!

4. Honestly look at the things YOU do that you know are not helpful to the relationship. If you want something different, you need to do something different!

5. Develop compassion for your partner and for yourself. Reactive, defensive thoughts, words and behavior are ways we protect ourselves from "danger". Watch yourself reacting and ask yourself, "What does this remind me of from my own past?" and, "What can I do differently at this point to become safer for my partner?"

6. Ask very specifically for what you need and say 'why' it is important to you. Your partner cannot read your mind and actually experiences life differently than you do!

7. Learn new skills that make communication safe and effective for both of you.

8. Know that both romantic love and the power struggle are not the destination, but are stages on the road to 'real love'. Frustration and conflict are keys for healing and growth for both of you!

9. Read Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., for new understanding of underlying issues that fuel frustration in your relationship and of ways to co-create a better relationship.

10. Most relationships can be 'saved' and transformed, and getting rid of the partner does not get rid of the 'problem'!

Web finds

2011-09-14T12:44:00.000-07:00

StumbleUpon
A friend of mine introduced me to a fun web page, I guess it's well known. StumbleUpon.com allows you to make an account, log in your interests and then it finds you content you may be interested in based on those interests. If you don't like a suggestion there'll be another just waiting. Hours of entertainment instead of hours of boredom for the unemployed.

// StumbleUpon.com

MeetUp
Fancy kicking your social life up a gear? MeetUp.com also invites you to. Log your interests and location, and hey presto the site connects you with groups of people nearby who share your interest. The site also has a smartphone app. Who's up for a drink tonight?

// MeetUp.com

Happy surfing!

Authentic-ify me!

2011-09-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

So I started stopping blogging recently. I've always been lazy about blogging, but I've been on a bit of a journey of personal discovery.

Being loved changes things. Being in loved changes things.

There has never been anything quite so good - and at times quite so difficult (yes, relationships take work and being vulnerable can be a hard thing) - as falling in love with an awesome girl (who will stay anonymous because I haven't asked if I can write this).

A combination of things came together at the end of last year:

Feeling way more burnt out than I needed to be, asking myself if I wanted to carry on in my current career track and deciding yes, but differently.
My girlfriend hearing about all the best and worst parts of my life and deciding that she would love me for me, not the person I try to be, feel I should be, others feel I should be, [fill the blank]. For me. With all my vices and virtues, all my character strengths and character flaws and everything else thrown in. Yay.
I took some young people to serve younger people at a Christian festival called New Wine. At the end of the week there was a time where the different teams were given space to rest, relax, rejuvenate, be prayed for, and just generally be treated great. In a particularly spiritual moment I asked God 'so what do you want from me this year?' Normally a good question. 'You' was the mind-blowing response I got back.

So this year I'm making changes.

I'll be me. I'll help myself more. I'll rest more. I'll enjoy life more. I'll eat healthier, run more and spend more time socially. I'll connect with myself, and the people and things that bring me life more. I'll give loving my girlfriend, treating her right, and making her feel like a princess a damn good shot, and I'll let her love me back. I'll let God father me, take care of me, lead me into life and lead me in sharing that life with the people around me.

Taking the practical steps has already meant facing stuff and dealing with things. Getting to where I want to be also won't be a one-week deal - as an important guy in my life reminded me (ominously saying he saw it taking a year...) - and I'm willing to go the distance. Enough is enough. My discontent will be my greatest weapon in change. In some ways it's a scary place to be. Musing, I put out a six-part tweet the other day;

'Sometimes life deals you a hand that causes you to re-evaluate who you are, what you believe and what you want out of life. This process can be hard, even scary or painful, and it can be tempting to give up and settle. However if you truly, deeply search, allow the questions, just become the next thing you never know where life can take you. Growth is hard, but sometimes change is good. Stick with it. Be to become.

A follower of Jesus invites God into every level of this soul searching. In their pain winning new perspective, identity and hope. Today I vow to be shaped by Jesus. I will be captive to no man-made institution, system or philosophy. Jesus & His kingdom or nothing.'

And this blog isn't going to be about pretending I have all the answers - it will recognize that I have some answers and also some questions too. I'll share who I am. I'll put funny things on here. I'll rant. I'll muse. I'll be honest and be me.

30 day song challenge - final line-up

2011-06-03T06:09:00.000-07:00

Day 23 - a song that you want to play at your wedding
And hopefully that day it would be a beautiful day.

Day 24 - a song that you want to play at your funeral
Well I'm not sure how I'd play a song at my funeral, but this one would sure make a good send off one.

Day 25 - a song that makes you laugh
Well it doesn't so much make me laugh, but laughter normally ensues from the mood it puts people in.

Day 26 - a song that you can play on an instrument
I'm not a big musician, but gimme a piano and you might hear me play this.

Day 27 - a song that you wish you could play
Superman. You gotta give it to John Williams for making some great music - Star Wars, Superman, Indiana Jones, Jaws, ET, Jurassic Park, Schindler's List and Harry Potter are just some of his work...

Day 28 - a song that makes you feel guilty
Well no songs really make me feel guilty, this was potentially coming close to vaguely getting there. Not really sure there's any music that makes me feel guilty.

Day 29 - a song from your childhood
This one was, and is, an eternal classic of the Chilli Peppers.

Day 30 - your favourite song at this time last year
Do love some Linkin Park from time to time.

That concludes my song line up *doesn't shed a tear*
Links: Week 1 · Week 2 · Week 3

30 day song challenge - week 3

2011-05-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

Day 15 – a song that describes you

This song, to me, is about someone who’s ready to go to anything length to do what he believes is right – take on an enormous task and give it his heart, strength and intellect, with a great love and care for people. Hopefully I’m that kind of person.

Day 16 – a song that you used to love but now hate

This one was a fun and quickly got familiar, and then too familiar. You know the pattern – you like something, you love something, you get used to something, you get irritated by something, you dislike something, you hate something. Kind of like how fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate and hate leads to suffering (but that was something else…)

Day 17 – a song that you hear often on the radio

This is so mainstream you must have a cave as your address to not know it. This one’s pretty much inescapable, including on the radio.

Day 18 – a song that you wish you heard on the radio

Nice beat, good vibe, sometimes that’s all you need.

Day 19 – a song from your favourite album

Franz Ferdinand. Go figure.

Day 20 – a song you listen to when you’re angry

Ah. Eminem. You either love or hate him. To me, he’s a great prophetic (taking no crap and speaking out about what’s wrong/right) voice. This song doesn’t just apply to America of course.

Day 21 – a song that you listen to when you’re happy

This one’s awesome for tracking on the ski slopes. Take a black run, nothing less, put this track on. Prerequisites: ski-skill, beautiful day, beautiful view. This is another one the radio needs. Gorgeous.

Day 22 – a song that you listen to when you’re sad

Different things make you sad at different times. This one has a chilled out tone, which can help put things in perspective. From there it can help reflection, or distraction, whatever’s needed.

Week 4’s on it’s way… Links: Week 1 · Week 2

The 'ultimate dog tease' video & some thoughts

2011-05-10T04:01:00.000-07:00

I saw this youtube vid recently, thought it was kinda fun, take a look:

It's trending (being watched by a lot of people) right now, at the time of writing it has been watched over 12 million times. So it's pretty popular!

Have you watched it yet?
Do you find it funny?
Do you relate to the dog at all?

It was extra fun for me because not so long ago I went to a pub with a bunch of mates and we were joking that bacon makes anything (anything!) better. Now there's clear, incontrovertible evidence...

My favourite part's about the 30 second mark when the dog looks back at its owner and says 'you're kidding me', the expression on that dog's face just fits so well with what it's 'saying'. Classic.

I think in many ways many of us can sometimes feel like that dog. Let me tell you about one guy I know who can relate to that dog.

He was told told that the model life goes school, university, job, marriage or a great relationship, retirement and then a grave. That young man's response was to say to himself 'is there more to life than this?' He felt like the dog in that he knew there was more to it than he was getting.

He started looking for that 'something more', that sense of purpose.

He started by going so far as he could in rebellion - leading the pranks at school, annoying his teachers for the fun of it and generally doing whatever he could to be free. Eventually he found that hollow.

So he decided to go so far as he could in academic achievement - and in the space of a year went from maths-rebel to top of the school in maths, publically awarded for it. Eventually that seemed hollow too.

This left him confused.
What was worth investing in and giving life to; what was he made for?

Soon after a friend of his invited him to a Christian meeting. What surprised him was that the Christians there seemed to be normal enough people, just with a different edge to them. They seemed to have what he was looking for. And a lot of his ideas about Christianity weren't the whole picture.

He spent several years setting the record straight - exploring and chewing. He started to take seriously what these Christians were saying - that there was a God who knew him, loved him and had a destiny for his life; to love people and change world around him.

That belief's shaken his life in a seriously good way - it given him that sense of meaning he was looking for, but more than that, it's connected him with the God who knows him and loves him and it's made his life not so much about himself as about loving God and loving people.

He's me.

Maybe you can connect with where I was coming from, maybe not. Either way, it's an interesting question - is there more to life than this?

30 day song challenge - week 2

2011-05-08T05:29:00.000-07:00

Well it's already been week 2, here was my line-up

Day 8 - a song that you know all the words to
I first came across this one during Transformers in 2007 and then started listening to its lyrics after. Some people say listening to Linkin Park can be a mess, I think there's method in the madness and think that the music video, particularly, has some great symbolisms in it.

Day 9 - a song that you can dance to
A lot of people don't seem to know Junkie XL that well. I love, LOVE, this track! The beat and vibe hit the spot for me. Play this one loud.

Day 10 - a song that makes you fall asleep
Enya has beautiful music, no question. This one is no exception, the music is majestic, the singing and lyrics are inspirational, and yes it's from Lord of the Rings (Fellowship of the Ring). The music is so beautiful, expansive and peaceful that it helps me rest.

Day 11 - a song from your favourite band
The Hives seem to have a tint of awesome-nitude to most of their tracks. Gotta love this one. Great for chilling and partying too.

Day 12 - a song from a band you hate
This one was a hard one - I don't spend a lot of time listening to music I don't like, and seem to be able to like most music anyway. This was a shot in the dark, and hopefully won't upset too many people.

Day 13 - a song that is a guilty pleasure
If I ever want a sugar-sweet track this is normally a good bet (Miley Cyrus/Taylor Swift work, but they can be a bit main-stream for my tastes). If you're in love you'll love this one (hopefully), if not you might end up killing yourself (hopefully not). There's probably symbolism in the music video's ballerina, don't know what yet.

Day 14 - a song that no one expects you to love
Generally people are surprised when they hear I enjoy metal or heavy-metal. So I figure people wouldn't expect me to like this song. I do though. Very much.

Links: Week 1 · Week 3

A 6 year-old writes to God...

2011-05-04T06:54:00.000-07:00

Recently there was a great article in The Times by Alex Renton, a non-believer who sends his six-year-old daughter Lulu to a Scottish church primary school.

Her teachers asked her to write the following letter: “To God, How did you get invented?” The Rentons were taken aback: “We had no idea that a state primary affiliated with a church would do quite so much God,” says her father. He could have told Lulu that, in his opinion, there was no God; or pretended he was a believer. Instead he emailed her letter to several different churches for a response. For good measure, he also sent it to “the head of theology of the Anglican Communion, based at Lambeth Palace” (Rowan Williams) – and this was the response:

Dear Lulu,
Your dad has sent on your letter and asked if I have any answers. It’s a difficult one! But I think God might reply a bit like this –
‘Dear Lulu – Nobody invented me – but lots of people discovered me and were quite surprised. They discovered me when they looked round at the world and thought it was really beautiful or really mysterious and wondered where it came from. They discovered me when they were very very quiet on their own and felt a sort of peace and love they hadn’t expected.
Then they invented ideas about me – some of them sensible and some of them not very sensible. From time to time I sent them some hints – specially in the life of Jesus – to help them get closer to what I’m really like.
But there was nothing and nobody around before me to invent me. Rather like somebody who writes a story in a book, I started making up the story of the world and eventually invented human beings like you who could ask me awkward questions!’
And then he’d send you lots of love and sign off.
I know he doesn’t usually write letters, so I have to do the best I can on his behalf. Lors of love from me too.
+Archbishop Rowan

I think this letter suggests we don't always have to make things complicated. There's something good in the simplicity, while not overlooking the complexity, that just seems to connect.

Rowan took the time to write a really thoughtful message to a little girl. “Well done, Rowan!” was the reaction of Lulu’s mother, and I agree.

Thank you, Damian Thompson, for bringing this to my attention. I like it.

30 day song challenge - week 1

2011-05-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

As with a lot of people I've been enjoying facebook's 30 day song challenge. The idea is you post a song each day according a set of ideas that the challenge-setters made. I've been doing it a week now, my songs have been,

Day 1 - your favourite song
I choose this song because I just love the violin piece and like Yellowcard's work. The lyrics are great too, a memorial to 9/11

Day 2 - your least favourite song
Justin Bieber's Baby. I found this one hard to choose, I generally know the music I do like (already pretty varied) and avoid the music I don't like. I decided to go with a Bieber, pretty standard right now. A lot of people might have put Rebecca Black's Friday, but I think she's having enough bad rap already.

Day 3 - a song that makes you happy
Owl City's Fireflies always tickles my sugar-sweet spot. It seems to make me happy whichever mood I'm in. Nice and romantic too.

Day 4 - a song that makes you sad
Spektor's The Call is one I find haunting. When I first heard it during Prince Caspian it came at a sad part of the film - who wants to leave Narnia? Although the lyrics actually are quite inspiring and motivating.

Day 5 - a song that reminds you of someone

I spent some time in Australia in my gap year. For the life of me I can't actually remember the guy's name but a band player I know/knew out there used to play this one really, really well in the local pub.

Day 6 - a song that reminds of somewhere

This one reminds me of a summer camp I used to go to. Each year they'd take a song and re-fashion it for the holiday.

Day 7 - a song that reminds of a certain event

One of the best games I ever, ever played was SSX3. A snowboarding game where you could ride at up to 120km/h and do tricks like a triple-backflip while spinning the board round your head. The game had a fantastic tracks, this was one... I'm psyched for new SSX later this year.

Links: Week 2 · Week 3

Figuring out the 'out' part

2011-05-01T04:35:00.000-07:00

Church got me thinking this morning. The subject of the day was the beatitudes - basically 9 memorable, little phrases that Jesus used to talk about the timeless priorities that he thought really counted and the difference they make. We can find them in Matthew 5:2-12.

It made me think about how I live, what I put first and how want I

influence the people around me.

J.B. Phillips compiled a list of what today's average dude's beatitudes might be:

'Happy are the “pushers”: for they get on in the world.

Happy are the hard-boiled: for they never let life hurt them.
Happy are they who complain: for they get their own way in the end.
Happy are the blasé: for they never worry over their sins.
Happy are the slavedrivers: for they get results.
Happy are knowledgeable men of the world: they know their way round.

Happy are the troublemakers: they make people take notice of them.'

I thought those were fun. It's interesting to think: what do we prioritise? What do we want our mark to be?

Revision & work

2011-04-28T02:54:00.000-07:00

It's that time again. If you're cramming revision for GCSEs, prepping for A-Levels, trying to remember all that lab time for your Degree, stuffing in Hume and Locke (yes, a Lost reference) revision for a philosophy PhD or completing a Master's portfolio, here's to you.

That – and the collective weight of coursework, making decisions about the future and staying on top of social lives – can make for eclectically frenetic (English was always best…) times.

It's easy to get so focussed on details that we miss the wood for the trees. Life becomes, as a great atheist melodramatically put it, 'unyielding despair' (- Bertrand Russell).

How can we rekindle our motivation and recapture a sense of meaningfulness in work?

It interesting, often how we think about things can be the most influential thing on how we see things. Let’s remember a few things here;

It’s about mastery of a subject or skill As a dude, probably some gals find the same, I find it useful to think of thinks practically more than theoretically. Most of what we learn will be useful, or can be made so, in life – either now or later. When I remember that the exercise goes from fact-learning to skill-acquiring, something much more interesting.

We grow in our independence A Jewish philosopher once wrote, ‘the best you can do with your life is have a good time and get by the best you can’ (Ecclesiastes 2:24, MSG). It’s a pretty cool to think that our studies actually contribute to our independence. Every essay we write, exam we pass, or fail, and grade we get, brings freedom nearer. Having a long-term view takes the menial and fills it with a sense of fun and achievement.

The future-now The philosopher goes on, ‘to the person who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness’ (2:26, TNIV).

Work can help release our God-given potential. But if our work’s only about self-actualization something’s missing. If we put into practice what we learn – our understanding of the sciences to progress the future, and our knowledge of the arts to develop culture – we can be people who leave a mark and a legacy.

If Katy Perry released a track/rap about how cool revision was (it's not) I'd be really surprised. But, like anything else, how we perceive and treat our work has a significant effect on our future and the people we become. Who do you want to be?

Coming soon...

2011-03-25T00:45:00.001-07:00

On Tuesday I have a presentation to make. It's not any other presentation (I might not have blogged that). I've got to answer the question 'what do you want to do with the next years of your life?' or something to that effect.

Big question right?

Well, no spoilers, if you want to know my answer you'll have to ask me in person, and maybe I'll tell you. Maybe. But it's a big question, right?

Where are you headed? Where do you want to go?

What do you want to do with your life? Big question.

T.E.Lawrence (Lawrence of Arabia) said,

'All men [and women] dream; but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind, awake to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of day are dangerous men, that they may act their dreams with open eyes to make it possible.'

He points out some people have life-dreams and let them go, that's no good, but others, they put feet to their dreams. These people are 'dangerous men', these people inspire us, these people are the ones who change things. Find me an exception.

So, wish me luck on Tuesday.

And who's my inspiration?

Jesus. Why? How he loved - welcoming people who were broken by life, who felt that they were the least, who felt that they were lost, and taking a stand against those who perpetuated the system. And also how he taught - that another way is possible, the way of love, that we can see reconciliation in our world, that the status quo doesn't have to go, that we can be connected with something much bigger than ourselves.

Jesus inspires me, I want to pursue what he had. I want to follow him.

Who's inspires you? What's your dream? Will you live it?

Life goes on

2011-03-13T08:27:00.001-07:00

So I always intend to write more on my blog, I never do. I guess I see this thing as some kind of diary/soapbox kind of thing. Maybe that's how blogs are. Anyway that leaves me leaving every couple of months. If that's how it is, then that's how it is.

So what's been going on with me?

Well I had my 22nd birthday recently, I learnt to drive, I got reflective and got into contemplative spirituality (not the traditional stuff, don't worry, I'm no sheep). Somehow people seem to be looking to me as if I know stuff now. Not really so sure why. I guess I worry about things less and look at things more confidently.

I've started listening to music more too, people like Fischerspooner, Moby, The Beach Boys, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Coldplay, Bloc Party, Linkin Park, Regina Spektor, Imogen Heap, Leona Lewis, Nickelback, Guns N' Roses, Andy Hunter, Paul Oakenfold, Iron Maiden, The Rolling Stones, Muse, Bonobo, The Killers, Rihanna, Bruno Mars, Rob Dougan, Creed, P.O.D., Jamiroquai, Daft Punk... I probably shouldn't list everyone.

I find myself embracing my postmodern side, caring less about 'protocol', becoming more left-brained, stretching more to authenticity than people's expectations. I still have a strong compass, just slightly different values driving it - love, peace, being real with people and life, dancing, creativity, that whole jazz.

That's it really. Just checking in. Hope it'll be sooner before I next post.

How to catch your breath

2010-10-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

The local paper's doing a piece on the 10 commandments and their value today. I was asked to do the 'remember the Sabbath' one;

The fourth commandment is often seen as the most religious one. So we think to ourselves ‘I’ll let other people get on with that one’ and concentrate on not murdering or committing adultery. What, after all, is a Sabbath?

Looking around at our world today, however, this commandment could be the most engaging and enlivening one.

Our society seems to be moving into action-overdrive. New technology, from bigger diaries and thicker moleskins to iPhones, iPods, iPads and laptops (and do I go Windows or Mac?), helps us speed up, squeeze more in and achieve more.

Many of us have been caught up in this recent sweep, but somehow we still find ourselves in the awkward situation of being faced with the latest gadget and being completely lost.

Many people are working harder, retiring later and being paid less.

While not wanting to paint too negative a picture, I would like to look at a question many of us already ask: ‘where does the time go?’

Here’s where the fourth commandment comes in, it says: ‘Remember to observe the Sabbath day and keep it holy.’ It continues, ‘You have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath day of rest dedicated to the Lord your God.’ (Exodus 20:8-10, NLT)

Basically, we need to
1) Work 6 days. We do our jobs, chores and tasks in 6 days of the week. We don’t abandon responsibility.
2) Put our feet up. We switch off our phones and emails and block out at least a day to read a bit, go bowling, play some games (SSX3 for me right now...), go to a café, take a chilled walk, go pubbing or clubbing, catch some sleep or a film… You get the point.
3) Refocus. We take time to realign our lives with what really matter. We make time to relax, refocus and reconnect with ourselves, with each other and with the God who made us and loves us.

This commandment clarifies, cuts through and captures the answer to the dilemma. Question is, how will you use your Sabbath?

As for me...

2010-07-06T05:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, confession time.

I have to admit that recently I've been developing the habit of going to McDonald’s on Mondays. I know it’s not a sin, right? But the area where I live can be pretty middle-class and a lot of people’d think it may as well be. Personally I half see their point, but the other half of me doesn’t worry so much.

Well why do I bring that up?

I guess to show that I’m not some hyper-spiritual nut-job guy and, yes, because, I’ve got a quirky sense of humour and for some reason the situation tickled it. But there’s something deeper.

If I go to McDonald’s, I get my fast-food Big Mac, my fries, my drink. All cheap, all quick, no fuss. I get in, I get out, I get served.

How many of us see the church or spirituality like that?

We find a church that we like, that meets our preferences, to get our needs, and maybe the needs of kids met. If it meets our standards we say it’s a good church and we decide to keep dropping in so that we can get our spiritual needs met.

It’s all very well and good to get our spiritual needs met, look back at that last paragraph. How many references do you see to ‘loving our neighbour’? How many references of ‘serving the poor’? Are there even any references to – God forbid – ‘following Jesus’?

I’m not so sure that’s what Jesus had in mind when he set up the church.

I reckon he envisaged a group of people committed to love – loving God, loving each other, loving the world around. In both the highs and lows, in the glory and the grit, of life. Not in just a sentimental, emotional way, but in a practical, costly, down-to-earth way.

That would be different. That would be beautiful. There, the stranger and the broken would be welcomed in, loved, and healed. There, the lonely would find family. There, the aimless would find meaning, purpose and direction. There, the guilty would find forgiveness, freedom, a new start and a fresh heart. There, the average Joe would find life as it was always meant to be. There, Jesus would be lifted very, very high.

Maybe it would be idealistic to ask for a church like that.

Maybe if, one by one, we decided to live like that, we could begin to see it happen. How about it?

“…As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (Josh. 24:2, 15).

What happens when...

2010-06-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

I was surfing and found this programme kinda interesting - what happens when an atheist, a shopaholic, a middle-class family, a Muslim and a biker try out Christianity? Will it be as out-dated as they think? Can it make a difference? Check it out, I suppose there's some decent stuff other 24, Lost and Prison Break out there (sometimes...)

Link: here
Have a blast!

Summer's here (more or less....)

2010-05-13T13:12:00.000-07:00

It's interesting, when summer comes round I always think 'yay, my favourite time of the year!' and by the end of it I start to have my doubts... winter comes round, it snows, I think 'yay, my favourite time of the year!', but the end of it I start to have my doubts... and the cycle repeats.

One of the cool things of summer (other than hols [and guess who's heading to Japan...], weather, soul survivor and momentum, water fights, beaching it, and the whole set of awesome-ness that makes summer summer) is a whole set of new films to chill out with mates, and family, over with popcorn. Here's my line-up of ones that look intriguing...

MAY: the heroes revisited
Iron Man 2 (released 7th), Robin Hood (14th), Shrek Goes Forth (21st)

JUNE: the classic nostalgia
The A-Team (11th), Karate Kid (11th), Toy Story 3 (18th), Eclipse (30th)

JULY: the action-intrigued
Predators (7th), Inception (16th), Salt (23rd)

AUGUST: the last blockbuster
Jonah Hex (6th)

Link to the trailers
Have a blast!

Who wants to be loved?

2010-02-18T11:21:00.001-08:00

Recently I did a talk in a pretty gritty local school, here's the low-down...

Ok, who’s ever watched the show ‘Who wants to be a millionaire?’

Well on that show people have to answer 15 questions right to see if they can win £1 million, they have multi-choice questions. Well today we’re gonna play our own version of ‘Who wants to be a millionaire?’ The question is ‘what is God’s love like?’, the options are:

A: The X-Factor Each year we see the X-Factor come up - people come forward to show their skills be it singing, dancing, stand-up comedy, or whatever. If you’re interesting enough people love you and you eventually win. Option A is ‘you’re loved because you’re interesting enough.’

B: Fifa Has anyone ever played the game Fifa? In that game what do you do if someone's got no skills? You sack them. You decide whether you love them or not based on how skilled they are. Option B is ‘you’re loved because you’re skilled or you know the right stuff.’

C: School At school what happens if you go into a lesson without your homework because ‘my dog ate it’? You get in trouble. At school you get liked based on how well behaved you are – if you can do the right thing at the right time. Option C is ‘you’re loved because you behave well.’

Alright, so what do you think? Is it A, B or C?

I’m gonna suggest an option D. I’ve got a Bible verse here, "You are merciful, LORD! You are kind and patient and always loving." (Psalm 145:8).

Imagine if Simon Cowell, on X-Factor, told everyone, even the rubbish people, ‘ok, you might not be good enough to win, but you get the prize anyway.’ What would that be like? A bit crazy and a bit amazing. Kind of like God's love – instead of loving us because of how interesting we are, how skilled we are, or how well behaved we can be God loves us because He loves us because He loves us. That’s incredible!

Chuck Norris-isms

2010-02-05T03:01:00.000-08:00

Has anyone heard of the famous martial artist and actor Chuck Norris? He perhaps best known for his reputation and the ridiculous things he’s supposed to have done. I made my list of the top 10 Chuck Norris-isms:

1. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
2. Chuck Norris is the reason Wally hides.
3. When the bogeyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
4. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
5. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
6. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
7. Outer space is so far out because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
8. When you open a can of whoop-ass, Chuck Norris jumps out.
9. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
10. A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness.

Obviously half of that isn't true but laughter's the medicine of the soul.

I find myself travelling a lot and meeting a lot of different people with a lot different perspectives. I'm always interested to learn from other people. It's interesting, though. When it comes to Christianity a lot of people's understanding is really a misunderstanding.

Interestingly Chuck Norris, in an interview with New Man mag in July 2000, said: “Real men [and women] do live for Christ. It is important to make your peace with Christ while the opportunity exists… accept God's gift of salvation.”

Unlike popular opinion Jesus would not have had Elton John or the Spice Girls on his iPod. Jesus was a dude. As Chuck Norris put it, it takes real men - and women - to follow Jesus.

Further links How Human was Jesus? / Chuck's favourite Norris-isms

Have a blast!

Youth Alpha | Who is Jesus?

2010-01-29T04:31:00.001-08:00

The other day I did a Youth Alpha sesh and spoke on 'Who is Jesus?' I used a film clip from Batman Begins (where Batman comes to the rescue for a woman in danger, Rachel. The woman then asks who he is). Then said something to the effect of:

Has it ever struck anyone that it’s kind of amazing that someone like Jesus is so famous? He was born under the death threat in a barn to a teenage mother, grew up in an unpopular place, as an adult was homeless. Eventually He was betrayed by His closest friends and killed by the leaders of the day. He died on a borrowed cross and buried in a borrowed tomb. Not the best CV, is it?

Yet more films have been made about Him, more books written about Him, more paintings painted of Him than anyone else in all history. The historian H.G.Wells said ‘Jesus is easily the most dominant figure in all history.’ So there’s something about this guy.

When we’re confronted with an amazing person, like Rachel was in the clip, the question should be ‘who are you?’

Rachel, when saved by Batman, realises that her childhood-sweetheart, Bruce Wayne, is actually way more than just any old guy – he’s Batman, the secret saviour of Gotham.

Like with Batman, there are many different perspectives on who Jesus is. I even came across a Canadian, nudist-arsonist cult who think the word ‘Jesus’ is a code word for hallucinogenic mushrooms that you eat before getting naked and setting things on fire!

But what did Jesus say about Himself? He claimed to be the Son of God: God in the flesh. Now with that kind of claim you’ll be either lying, plain crazy or telling the truth.

CS Lewis, writer of the Narnia series put it this way: “A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic — on the level with the man who says he is a poached egg — or else he would be something worse [or He is truly who He says He is]. You must make your choice.”

So we need to decide who we think He is. Because if He is God then that changes everything - through Jesus we're able to find freedom and healing from the past, a meaningful, challenging life in the present, and solid hope for the future.

If you wanna find out more, just message me or check out this link. Have a blast!

Avatar

2009-12-21T06:38:00.000-08:00

Last week my older brother told me to be at Waterloo at midnight on Sunday for a surprise Christmas present. Turned out I had a ticket for a midnight showing of Avatar at Imax in 3d!!!

So I went last night and I've gotta say I really enjoyed it, great film. Was interested to find that (even though I could tell from the advert) that the story's kind of like a sci-fi version of The Last Samurai, both stories like the ones I described in my previous post... interesting.

Anyways, great film, go see (in 3d if you can)!

Star Trek (2009)

2009-12-14T12:04:00.000-08:00

Did a talk on the new Star Trek film today, check it out (basics of it):

I don’t know if anyone saw this film, it only came out this summer, I enjoyed it a fair bit. I’ll try not to give any many spoilers away but if you’ve seen the film you’ll know some of the plot structure. Basically it starts out with this guy, Kirk, a down-and-out. Near the beginning there's a scene where he’s gets brutally beaten up in a bar and, then, he gets invited into something bigger – his destiny, the life he’s felt called to.

If you watch carefully you’ll notice there’s a whole tonne of films with that plot – someone feels there’s more to life than what they’re experiencing and they get invited into a new world bigger and better than anything they hoped for. They go onto to play a big role in that world. Think The Matrix, Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, Twilight, Transformers, Fight Club, the list goes on.

I think one of the reason why these films’re so successful’s because they speak to something deep in human nature: the innate sense that there’s something more.

I think certainly my life, over the last 7 years, has followed that basic plot line. I thought for a long time that there was more to life but could never put my finger on exactly what that was. At the age of 16 I decided to become a follower of Jesus and discovered meaning, purpose, direction and freedom. I found that, in Jesus, I had a big role to play.

I’ve found that the story that so many of these films give us - of there being more to life and a part to play - is the same story Jesus is telling for each of our lives. The question we're left with is, 'will we have the courage to join him?'

Link to the trailer
Have a blast!

latest goings on =)

2009-10-22T10:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone. Laptop's kinda screwed over right now, getting sorted, so I haven't been updating too much.

Just now I'm up at Sheffield for a couple study days. Did a presentation this morning on pioneering this morning, which was fun.

Tomorrow I head up to Bangor to meet a mate, ditto for Monday and Tuesday, speaking a big youth event a week this sunday night (fun! [I dunno maybe I'm a nerd, still worth checking out though]).

Couple weeks ago I did a talk at Warwick Gates which was pretty fun (used my own quirky mix of apologetics, weird humour and heart stuff). Gave out bread to people in the community on Tuesday, then went to the pub with a south african mate. Helped put on a science/faith night on Monday and bought 24 season 7 (best yet!).

Yeah life's pretty cool atm (as, I think, the new blog layout is). Guess that's the end of my random thoughts....

Thought for the day?
A guy recently asked if having free will or not affects having purpose in life or not. Gut-response? If we say purpose is defined by ourselves and our choices, yes. If purpose is bigger than us and ourselves there's no problem.

For a Christian meaning and purpose aren't defined by our aspirations, achievements, job, salary, facebook page, grades, reputation, taste in music, films or art. These things are good, but our dignity, worth and value are derived from something, or someone, bigger.

It's interesting to see how often phrases like 'the truth is out there' and 'live life to the full' crop up on tv, in adverts, in music, or films. Tracking the phrases back a historian might say they first came from the lips of Jesus (who said that truth sets us free and that he came to bring life to the full - John 8:32, 10:10).

Whichever way you cut it I'm convinced there is purpose and meaning in life and that what Jesus' got to say on the subject's as relevant as ever. The book Vintage Jesus and website rejesus.co.uk are 2 ways I'm currently enjoying doing that.

Anyways I'm about to go get some dinner. Hmm....... kebab? Pizza? Pasta? Burger? Something veggie? Choices, choices, choices. Place your vote (on the right panel) and lemme know what you like.

2009-09-20T11:13:00.000-07:00

Well howdy =) this last week I've been up at Sheffield having a good time learning, growing, chilling and catching up with good friends - lovin' it!

Had a fun experience at a bar with the lads on Thursday night. Three of us - Craig, Matt and myself - were out in Sheffield heading towards a local club/bar, Revolution, and got chatting with the bouncers.

After a bit of general banter they asked what we did, Craig told them 'we're 3 trainee ministers'

The bouncers responded by putting their arms around us and saying 'well that makes 5 of us!'

It was kind of a fun moment because they just didn't believe us, maybe we were too cool or something..... =)

So yeah that was fun, but I've never been that good on my humour delivery so I'll forgive you if that doesn't seem so funny online. I'm psyched for a fun week this week, probs'll get some posts up about it.

2009-09-13T15:14:00.000-07:00

Well I just had a great time up North celebrating my gran's 90th birthday celebration. Always nice to see cousins, uncles and relatives =¬) After all the speechs and toasts my dad did a small celebration piece which - embarassingly's - been put up on youtube (dads!).

A longer one (hopefully helpful =P)

2009-08-30T04:43:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone! I’ve probably mentioned that I was planning at some point to write an honest post looking at the issue of pain & suffering. I just came back from giving a talk on that subject.

The perceptive will note that this question has 2 dimensions: intellectual and emotional. I thought the occasion called for looking primarily into the latter, that’s where this focuses (I expect I’ll write about the intellectual side before too long as well).

I spoke out of Matt 15:21-28 (link here)

My talk:

Alright, well whatever we think about that story, I think we can all agree on one thing – that woman was in a really hard situation.

In her own words, ‘my daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession’ (v.22). Life sucks for this woman.

There’s a scene in the 2nd Lord of the Rings film where a father has to bury his own son. He looks up from the grave with grief-stricken eyes to the wise wizard, Gandalf, and says ‘no parent should have to bury their child’. We know something’s keenly wrong when we have to watch those we love suffering or dying.

The woman would have immediately felt immense pain. Coupled with that, she’d have been clueless about what to do about it – there’d’ve been some confusion there too. When Jesus met this woman it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why she said ‘have mercy on me!’ (v.22) – not only was her daughter suffering – she was too.

I think this story, as much as anything else, can teach us how God, in Jesus, treats us when we’re at our lowest. Today we’re thinking about the question, ‘what does the kingdom look like for those in pain?’

One of the best thing about a summer, for me, are family holidays. My family normally makes a point of all getting together to go away for a week to somewhere beautiful where we can just forget about everything and enjoy each other. It doesn’t exactly matter where we go, it just needs the classic 3 things – beauty, adventure and quality time together. Who doesn’t like a good holiday?

So summer last year we all went off with our mum somewhere. As per usual we’d eat a little more food than usual, swim in the pool a little more than usual and watch some films together. One night we all sat round to watch the Disney film, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. With a 7 year old little sister it can’t be all Batman and 24!

The film basically follows the story of a young man, Quasimodo, who’s seen as so ugly that he’s shut away from the outside world, never allowed out. His only dream is to spend a day in the real world, free!

When the opportunity comes he seizes it. Disguised he sneaks out onto the streets. Tragically he gets seized and people start to throw tomatoes and bananas. His dream didn’t work. Let’s watch

[I showed a film clip available here – from 3:43 to 6:01]

Quasimodo is rescued by the mysterious and daring Esmeralda. She she knows and relates to how he feels, she steps up and says ‘this wasn’t supposed to happen’ and she fights to save him.

The same thing happened with the woman of our story. When things really sucked Jesus feels for her, tells her ‘you have great faith’ and changes the situation – ‘her daughter was healed’.

In our lives today, in our situations, Jesus doesn’t stand by on the sidelines, simply cheering us on but leaving us to deal with things on our own. He steps up, as the hero of the story, and changes either the situation or how we see the situation – He changes everything.

Now I’ve never had a kid, you might notice I'm not a woman, and I don’t look like Quasimodo (or, at least, I don’t think I do!), but those who know me know I’ve had my share of pain in other ways.

I think I’ll share one particular story, not for the sake of gleaning pity, but so we can see what it looks like to walk with God when we’re in pain.

Summer ’08 was pretty great, summer ’06 wasn’t so good. Halfway through July my parents called my brothers, sisters and I through announced some ‘news’. They were getting separated.

Us guys can have a way of bottling things up and for half a year I followed the stereotype. While I did chat with friends about the situation I never really dealt with the situation. Each time something came up I just suppress it and shove it into that bottle.

As with most bottles you can only fit so much in before they break. By Christmas my parents were living in separate houses and I was beginning to fray at the edges a bit. It was more than I could handle and I didn’t know what to do.

On my last limbs I got myself to church and got myself prayed for. It had a dramatic, and lasting, effect. It was almost as if God literally grabbed the weight that had been on my shoulders and took it off, leaving me feeling totally free. God didn’t change the situation – He changed me, and that changed everything.

Now obviously since then there’s been more stuff happening with that whole situation and sometimes I’m good at dealing with, sometimes it’s really hard and sometimes I’m just an idiot.

Walking in pain I reckon there’s some really practical stuff we can do to help with the weight lifting.

1. Be honest: sometimes I get the impression that to be a ‘real man’ I have to be able to face the world alone so I don’t admit life sometimes hurts. Other people do it for other reasons. In the end that’s a joke of a defence mechanism and we need to be honest enough with ourselves and each other to admit life sucks and decide to do something about it. Be honest with yourself and God

2. Chat: there’s a lot clichés that go round, half of them need to just be killed off but one I do like is ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ It’s totally true. One of the most helpful things to do with our issues is chat to good friends about them. Go chat with the people you trust, go chat with your small group (and if you’re not in a small group get in one!). Go chat with those you trust.

3. Go to Jesus: even with little things we need to have the courage and faith to be honest, above all, with Jesus about what’s going on. He himself had a fair share of pain and can bring freedom. Read the Bible and cling to the hope there, chat with Him in prayer – stick to Him and let Him do what only He can do. Go to Jesus.

Now obviously that’s no formula for pain-free living, but hopefully it’ll be some really practical keys for walking with God in when life’s tough that you can either use or pass onto a friend in need.

You might be wondering how it ended for Quasimodo? Well, in the end he did get his dream and it didn’t go wrong. Let’s watch

[I showed another clip, available here – from 7:13 to 9:04]

So that was my talk, hope it helps answer some questions, deal with some issues. As per usual any feedback’s most welcome =)

New Zealand

2009-08-27T13:03:00.001-07:00

It takes no genius to figure out life has its ups and downs.

Today I said goodbye to a good friend. He ran the gap year I did a year ago, helped me grow as a person and had a great effect on my life. Tomorrow he flies out to take the helm of Church Army New Zealand.

Guess I just wanna thank Phil for everything he's done and the love he puts into all he does. Thank God for you, Phil! Farewell, enjoy New Zealand, may it be all you could hope for, you'll be missed.

Fun & fickle-idityishness (my new word!)

2009-08-24T14:22:00.001-07:00

Well I'm back. Soul Survivor was awesome and I'm psyched for year 2 up here, I don't want to hold anything back!

I've also been thrilled to keep hearing people mention they've read my blog - hi everyone!!!! If you have any feedback/issues or subjects you want my thoughts on feel free to mention over facebook any time.

Had an interesting chat with someone the other day. They said they thought that everything that exists must be able to be seen, heard, tasted, touched or smelt - sensed.

My response 'Is that what you think? Could you show me that thought so I could see it, hear it, taste it, touch it or smell it?' Sometimes we believe fickle things!

Back soon

2009-08-12T00:58:00.001-07:00

I'm been out for a while. This week I'm off to Soul Survivor, helping take a group from here, should be awesome. Be back here soon.....

Controversial 1am ramblings

2009-07-25T16:40:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! It's been a while since I've posted anything (not sure if I mentioned but I have always sucked at keeping journals/diaries/etc.). Anyways I'm a guy who generally thinks a lot about philosophy (especially about such things as absolute truth, morality, life after death, God, what living life to the full [John 10:10] means and a whole bunch of different stuff). I've been thinking quite a bit over the last few weeks, maybe this'd be a decent place to spill.

The reality is that, however and whichever way we look at it, life is short. In the grand scheme a timespan of 80 years (give or take a decade, maybe more) is minute. That's a fact, maybe a sad one, but one that all of us has to face up to. Either that or we ignore the fact/consciously ignore it and delude ourselves.

Philosophically, psychologically I could go way more into it but maybe I'll keep things short and sweet.

When we face that fact we realise that basically there'll be two fundamentals that we all have to act on:

1. While we have this life let's not waste it; we need to make it count.

2. While we're here we need to figure out what life is really about (and just in case you'd be someone who says there's something up with the concept of absolute truth [you'd be surprised by how many of us subconsciously live lives under that worldview] ask yourself the question 'is it true that there's no absolute truth?' Contradicting paradox =P)

Sometimes people say I think too much. I came to the conclusion that we've got to act on those two questions at the age of 11 (else we resign ourselves to lives of 'quiet desperation' as Thoreau put it).

Some might be getting an idea for where this's going so maybe it'd be worth pointing out that I'm not in the slightest bit attracted to religion. I think of it as something guilt-ridden and oppressing. I'm more into freedom and changing the world (which the historians out there will be able to confirm Jesus was into too [and maybe there's a pretty big clue about where this is going {go on - I dare you to be open-minded and stick around 8D }])

So yeah there I am, age 11, facing the reality that I don't have any clue what life's about, where life's headed (aside from the prescripted education, job, 2.5 kids, retirement etc.) or if there was to more to life than I knew. Like most people with half a brain I decide to do something about the dilemma and find some real answers.

To be honest whilst I did know the situation I did actually decide to do nothing for several years. But, when the opportunity came up, I decided I duck into a Jesus-meeting and see what all that stuff was about (whilst in the process being gently surprised that my impressions of churchianity weren't all there was).

For a number of years there I am reading books around different subjects, discussing and debating, asking questions, chewing on answers; come to the conclusion that nearly all my stereotypes about religion were not true of the historical Jesus.

Much as I liked or disliked it, the question 'what are you going to do about it?' was staring me full in the face. Eventually I had to choose whether I'd accept or reject what these guys were offering.

As you may well have noticed the time did come where the weight of evidence and experience was impressive enough for me to commit. That final jigsaw piece got laid down and I was released to start making life count because I knew what life was about.

Looking back I think the thing that still amazes me the most is how controversially different Jesus' ideas and priorities were to my preconceptions of Christianity. In fact I'd say that, had I known was it was about earlier, I might have gone for it sooner. I thought Jesus was boring and irrelevant - how wrong I was!

Obviously I'm not a perfect guy, but as a philosophical thinker and generally down-to-earth guy, I'd say 'there's water here'.

If you've stuck around this long it'd seem you answered my earlier challenge (to be open-minded enough to stick around). I hope I wasn't that boring!

Here's the next challenge; how about you put some honest thought into this (great if you already have) and act on what you find? I'll leave that one with you; if there's a single chance that what Jesus claimed's true, you owe it to yourself to check it out.

Finally!

2009-06-16T09:20:00.001-07:00

Hi! I said I'd put up a proper update about what I've been up to. Right now I've got some time, how about it?

Saturday night was a really great night. Two friends in Leam came up with the idea of going for a campfire and bbq down in the woods far down the river. Past midnight we were chatting, joking and eating together – what an awesome night!

Yeah I've been pretty ok. Study stuff's been good, my understanding being stretched and expanded. I was a little surprised to see my face in Shareit! mag this week but I'm not exactly against too sad about that.

Some of the guys who know me well know I can pretty easily get frustrated with church and how church gets done and perceived. It can be interesting, then, when it comes to leading a service.

Recently I did just that. Always up for pushing boundaries and creativity I traded in liturgy for some open mic, graphic design and up-to-date songs. Across the spectrum people were engaged and enjoyed it.

I reckon there's untapped potential in church – it can be a community where people grow and experience the transcendent and where wounds are healed, addictions broken and the outcast welcomed in.

btw, the new Terminator was pretty good (and Transformers'll be better!)

2009-06-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

Hi! Sorry it's been WAY too long since I put up any kind of update on anything.

Soon I'll check in and put up a proper update. Till then there're a few things I'll real quickly mention.

Firstly there's been a slight shift this past weekend - I'm now a step-son! My dad's gotten remarried. Right now I'm still processing a few of the things involved; in the one hand my dad's got a real chance to be happy (good!), on the other it'll be interesting learning to live with new dynamics.

This past week I've been working hard on an assignment for the training stuff - looking at how an activity is connecting and engaging with UK culture - hmm, what's going on in UK culture these days?!???

Other news..... Terminator Salvation comes out this week. Yeah, as I said, there'll be a real update coming soon. I've been getting set for school missions, speaking in different places, developing networks, setting up long term schools work.... lots of cool, cool stuff!

2009-04-23T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hey, it's been a while. In the last few weeks I've been skiing, celebrating Easter and meeting Jackie Pullinger.

The week skiing with family was so cool, beautiful and fun. There's nothing quite like being in the middle of the mountains with the wind in your face and no-one able to catch up or slow you down. This year we had a guide for 3 days so we went off the pistes to ski slopes practically never skiied. An awesome week!

Easter was nice too, time with family, 24 (season 7 is now looking insanely good, btw), walks, and chilling, all celebrating the message of freedom and love open to all with the courage to embrace it - Easter's story. And I ate all my chocolate already!

And this last week (well this half at least) I've been up near Sheffield at a conference catching up with people and hearing from Jackie Pullinger.

Jackie Pullinger's an inspirational individual. At the age of 16 she got on a boat and got off at Hong Kong. She's now been there around 50 years helping set people free from drugs and their pasts through prayer. She has seen many released and many lives change. While her method may be a slightly different none can doubt the effect and result she has had. Her heart is fiery, passionate and wise - a truly challenging and encouraging person!

Coming up? Well this week I'm starting a new group, Wired:, in a local school. This'll be for 13-15 year olds who are not-yet-believers. So far it's looking like things are coming together and looking pretty cool, more prayer's always welcome!

So yeah things are going pretty well, life's really cool at the moment. Maybe I'll add a post to answer a popular question about/objection to Jesus soon, any real answers wanted on anything specific?

Coffee-choc chats

2009-03-27T19:55:00.000-07:00

I don't normally add stuff so early, but you've gotta hear this.

Quite often on a Friday I help out at an outreach service that gives free coffee and hot chocolate to the clubbers and homeless. I was there tonight and had a few chats with different people, one sticks out.

Half way through a girl (call her Lydia) came, took a drink and went and sat down at one of the tables on her own. After a few moments, seeing something was up, I also took a drink and went to sit beside her.

I recognised her, we'd spoken before, she'd had problems then too – a homeless orphan refused help by the NHS.

I waited for her to speak. Soon enough she explained how, earlier that day, she had been accused by her best friend of stealing and seen the relationship break before her eyes. As she thought aloud she couldn’t find a solution, tears rolled down her cheeks.

I couldn't think of anything to say. I told her that I didn't know what she could do and that I'd found prayer helpful in my own tough situations.

She had a load of questions about prayer – how do you do it? Would God listen to me of all people? We spent some time just talking about stuff. She asked questions about other things – why do bad things happen to good people? What is God really like?

Something she wrestled with was trusting God. She'd had a bad relationship with her father and thought of God in the same way. I said it could help to think of everything she missed in her father and realise that God filled the gaps. He was the father she'd always longed for.

She was clearly doing some real thinking, seeing possibilities. The change was obvious – she had hope now, direction, the tears were all gone, replaced by warmth and peace. It was wonderful to see.

She went away with some clear freedom. It won't be too long before I see her again and I look forward to it – the difference God makes in people who are open is real, beautiful and dramatic.

2009-03-22T12:24:00.000-07:00

Well howdy! Time does shoot by, doesn't it? I've been pretty busy this past week. Some highlights?

On Thursday I gave a talk on 'Who Is Jesus'? I used film clips from Batman Begins to help show that just as Bruce Wayne, a seemingly normal person, was also Batman, the secret saviour of Gotham, Jesus, a seemingly normal person, was far more and can have a huge impact and effect in our lives.

I spent yesterday with my own mum to celebrate Mother's Day. We spent several hours at Hampstead walking, chatting, feeding the ducks and ourselves. After that we headed to The Met Theatre to watch an opera, La Sonnambula. To be honest I spent the first 20 minutes asleep, but then awoke and thoroughly enjoyed the show. If she ever reads this my mum deserves to know we all love her!

Today was a really good day, in the morning I led a family service and spent the afternoon eating with and getting to know my neighbours, very nice people.

People ask why

2009-03-11T15:49:00.000-07:00

People often ask why I do what I do. I reply with a bit of my story.

Growing up church was weekly routine. I found it dull and fled at the first opportunity, deciding I'd only be seen in church again at my funeral. No more church. I took a breath and declared myself ‘free!’

But there was an itch. I had no idea what life was about, if it had any meaning or who I really was. The more I thought, the more it itched. I set out to find answers.

When I took someone up on an invite to a Christian meeting I was shocked by what I found. For me church had always been about candles, robes and boredom. Here was a group of people honestly following truth and living in love - something deeper and more exciting than anything I'd seen before.

I went back the next week, the week after, and the next. Each time I'd bring back more questions, leave with more answers and feel a little more intrigued by whatever these guys had.

One night a speaker got up and said he was going to speak about the heart of true Christianity. My ears pricked up.

What he said that night amazed me. For the first time I saw what Christianity was. I realized it wasn't a religion of rules and rituals but a life-changing message of freedom and hope. I decided I'd go for it and try out the 'God thing'.

In a sense I felt like I'd finally got there and on the other hand like life was just beginning. It's never been quite the same. It's still changing.

In God I've found a friend, a purpose, something to fight for and a love that goes out to all regardless of our past, or how we grade ourselves.

That's why I do what I do - because I know, from experience, what Jesus can do and I want to pass that on.

Some news....

2009-03-11T07:09:00.000-07:00

Well it's been over a week. I knew I'd be irregular on this! Anyway, here comes an update of last week (2nd-8th March).

Monday was cool. I started mentoring two guys, Bill and Bob (names changed). We're reading and chatting our way through Courageous Leadership (Hybels) looking at leadership, what it is and what God might have in mind for Warwick School.

On the Monday afternoon we started the first service of something called Kidzone. It's basically a family service in a primary school geared around Jesus using games, quizzes, songs and stories as mediums. The 56 people there seemed excited for more!

It could take a while to describe the whole week. What else did I do/help with/lead? An assembly, an Alpha group, the first night of a Youth Alpha, an Alpha Away Day, my 20th birthday (what a milestone!) and some family fun. It's been a cool week. The coolest thing?

On Friday I decided chill out with some friends from Warwick Uni. We had dinner, caught up and had some general banter.

After dinner we played a game of mafia - a really good one - and ended up having a pretty deep chat about the gospel. One girl, Grace (name changed), had clearly been thinking and had lots of questions. We're going to chat more over coffee. She had such a refreshing curiosity. I look forward to seeing what happens!

1st blog!

2009-03-01T05:07:00.000-08:00

Well I've never had a blog before - hopefully this'll work better than my journalling!
Well for those of you who know me you can call me Damo, for those who don't you can call me Damo (and that's me on the left). This is basically gonna be a mini life and times of me
So for those who don't know I spent 6 months in Australia and now work as a communicator in the UK helping people see the difference Jesus can make to their lives. I do stuff in primary schools, secondary schools, unis, out on the streets, in churches and just about anywhere. Part of that is pretty verbal and relational, the other side's really practical - getting down and practically doing stuff.
Right at this second, though, I'm making some lunch - pizza!